We lost Harlow five months ago and the quiet that she left behind has been unbearable. Even with two cats, it was too quiet. Too empty of empathy and interest because unless one had food or a bottle of water, the cats didn't really care. They loved on their terms. They didn't love for love's sake. We needed a dog.
There were many conversations about what and when and how. We had decided on a little dog, one that could be bathed in the sink. We wanted someone that didn't shed as much as Barron and Harlow did. We wanted someone that could go swimming, on car rides, in purses. And when I say we, I mean, he. Danny wanted someone small and more manageable. I wanted Irish wolfhounds or Scottish deerhounds. I knew that the big dog days were over and rightly so. Our lives are different now and we need someone a little more portable.
Norwich terrier, corgies, brittneys.
Too expensive, too thick of coats, too big for our sink.
And all the while I had been praying to St. Francis to bring a dog to Danny. I didn't want to choose. I just wanted one that needed us to come to us. Last Monday the prayer came true. There was a dog, just a year old that fit all of our ideals. She was orphaned, polite, trained, small, friendly, cute. It was ideal and I fell in love with her before she was ours. There was a wait period and during that time, someone with claim to her decided (and rightly so) that they wanted to have her with them. She went home last Friday with people that already knew her and loved her. They also took her kitty friend, which we would not have done, so the family was complete. But I was so angry about it. Not angry that she was going to someone else, but angry that all the things I had prayed for were presented to me and then pulled away. For as much as I like Jesus, I don't know if I will ever figure out His dad.
So, if you know me, you know that I plummeted into a dark, sad place and said really mean things to God and He probably just rolled His eyes and went back to work. He wasn't going to bring me a dog. That's why I have Danny.
Fast forward to today. I have no idea how it started, the talk of dogs. I think Danny was telling me about the happy reunion that was had. And then we started talking breeds. Danny said that he had always wanted a miniature schnauzer. Smartphones were fired up, images were loaded and someone did a breeder search of Iowa. Someone suggested that Danny call the one with available puppies. Someone suggested that he call back and arrange an adoption.
And between the time it takes to finish a dinner and load a dishwasher, we had a adopted a puppy and given her a ridiculous name.
So tomorrow, Danny, Hayley and Jacob are hitting the bank at 8am to with drawl the necessary cash and are then driving south east for 2.5 hours to pick up Hattie Megatron White.
Smaller than Harlow's muzzle. I cannot even grasp her tininess. She will weigh less than our kitties. We shopped for extra small collars and sweaters. Her bag of top of the line puppy food was half the price of Harlow and Barron's Costco food. When it is time for heart worm pills, she will take half of the smallest pill. Harlow had two of the largest. Hattie will fit in my purse, the one with the photo of Barron and Harlow on it.
Monday, December 22, 2014
Saturday, December 6, 2014
My Retail Rant
I get it. You have a limited amount of time to do an unlimited amount of holiday things. And to add to the pressure is all the magazine and pinterest perfection that either makes you aspire to do better or slump down in your own inadequacies. I am right there with you so don't take it out on me. Retail is an ever changing world and those that work in it are trying to keep pace with it as much as those that shop in it. We cannot know everything. When the clock strikes four, I am no longer working and will not go home and research online or visit coupon websites or even give my job and a second thought until 8:15 the next day.
"The Internet said you had it."
The Internet is never wrong so we must have it. Did you actually go into the store site and did it say available in stores and when you clicked on that, did it list this store? If you answered yes to all three of these questions then I am on it. I will find this item for you. I will search other stores, I will do whatever it takes to make that right. But if you answered no to any of the questions then don't blame me. The Internet says we have a lot of things we don't. Or you may think the Internet says we have it when actually its just the store getting its logo at the top of the sponsored list. I don't know how that works. I am a cashier, though I know how to navigate the Internet at a decent rate, I am not savvy to the inner workings of it.
On the same note as the Internet said you had it - my doctor said you had it is also not a viable inventory tool. At least once a week a customer comes in using those exact words. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BABY ASPIRIN ANYMORE!!! In the past 14 years there has been a huge push to stop referring to 81mg aspirin as baby aspirin because it is not used for babies. Rye syndrome and all that. It is now 81mg aspirin. It frightens me that so many people come in and say that "my doctor told me I should take a baby aspirin a day." Maybe you need a better educated doctor.
"I got it here last year" "I always get it here" "You used to carry it"
Daily, I here one of those daily. I have been with the company 14 years and a lot has changed in the Christmas aisle alone. And a lot will continue to change as companies aquire other companies and new ideas move into the board room. There are people getting paid much more than me to buy crap from China for you to buy for this wonderful Christan holiday. I put it on the shelf, ring it up and put it in a bag. That is my relationship with most of what we sell. I know that it is frustrating to depend on a store for your holiday stationary, manicure sets, gallon bottle of Charlie, and be very frustrated when it is no longer available. But trends change and if an item is sold almost exclusively on clearance after the holiday, it probably won't be ordered in again. And when it comes to perfume gift sets, if you are only buying one $10 set of the cologne you wore in high school in 1967, you have to accept the fact that this is no longer a hot selling item and it is not profitable to the company to make many of it anymore. Heaven Sent just might not be available anymore. Deep breath and move on.
Oh, back to the Internet and colognes- yes, it may be available online. There are thousands of colognes that can be ordered for you but you must pay in advance because I am not going to have dozens of random bottles laying about, sorry those are the rules. And if I were to carry all these in store, well, this store would be a warehouse and you wouldn't shop here because it would be too big and overwhelming. Ordering it for you is the best I can do.
"Where are your gift cards?"
Gift cards, Visa cards, Green Dot and Phone cards. These are without a doubt the biggest pain in the ass. They are nothing but a scam attractor. A few days ago, a concerned morning news watcher wanted to know why we didn't keep our gift cards behind the counter. Thieves come in, take photos of the backs of gift cards and then wait. They are betting that someone will buy that card and not use it right away but hold it until Christmas, so between now and Christmas, the thieve is punching in those numbers hoping, hoping, hoping. It is a brilliant scheme and must work enough to make it worth doing and reporting on. I don't have the solution other than buy your gift cards from the middle of the rack, wait until Christmas Eve to buy them, give cash. Again, cashier, not my call.
Oh, but waiting to buy your cards on Christmas Eve along with the rest of America will probably cause the system to crash. Again, cashier here. I am not responsible for any of that and in no way can do anything to make the register, gift card activation center, hamsters on the wheel, run faster!
And while I am on the gift card bitch box, let me continue. There is a policy in place that is based on a federal law (the patriot money laundering act starring Harrison Ford, I think) that says you cannot buy more than $500 in any single type gift card per day. Not per cashier, not per store. YOU CANNOT BUY. Now obviously, I don't know if you are going from store to store, but I do know that you have brought me 15 $100 Visa Vanilla cards and I am going to explain to you that Federal law prohibits you from buying more than $500 and I will not sell more than $500.
The conversation will go along one of these lines.
Customer "I just bought 15 of these at your store in (pick location) last night without a problem."
Me "I am prohibited by federal law and there is nothing I will do (I say will instead of can because I am not fucking with federal law)."
Customer "Oh that is so stupid" "But we give them as Christmas presents" "I'll just go to another store""I have to pay a bill, a prince in Nigeria, the IRS is going to arrest me, I am trying to launder money" (OK they never say the last one, but somewhere, someone is thinking that.)
Me "The law is in place to try and prevent money laundering and fraud which can be used to support terrorist activities. If you always buy gift cards at Christmas, there is a corporate plan you can use (look a solution that they don't want to use).
Customer "Do I look like a terrorist?"
Me (in my head) "Well, you do look like you may have some Irish decent in you or English or your resemble Timothy McVay or did Jesus look like a terrorist or you don't, but your teenage son looks like he is looking for some adventure and may hop a boat to Syria, or have any of your relatives thrown tea in a harbor" (Out loud) "I won't knowingly break federal law."
And folks, when you have a man in your store that does not look like he belongs and he has a roll of hundreds and is wanting to buy several Green Dot cards and you have to explain federal law to him when you clearly know that he knows federal prison, you will see why I hate the whole damn department.
Oh, and to the lady that was trying to buy 15 cards at $100 a piece with a $5.95 activation fee, I understand that an employee inadvertently threw away a $100 bill one year and you had to give him another $100 and you feel that these cards are somehow safer. You said you had 35 employees. You will spend @208.25 in fees, you will have to spread your purchases out (legally) over 70 days, and the only one making any real money on this purchase in Visa in activation and use fees.
Lastly, don't be a ass to the cashier. Many cashiers are high school kids with worries of their own. While you waited until the last minute to buy your gift cards, he or she has waited until the last minute to do their paper or study for finals. They are missing the game, the dance, the night date because they need to save for college so they can take care of you in your old age (I hope they remember that you were an ass). Be patient when they aren't sure how to handle your transaction. These cashiers have policies to follow regarding your transaction especially if it involves anything requiring an ID. And yes, some cold medicines and diet pills require an ID. I get that you are fat and sick but I still can't sell it to you without an ID if you appear to be under age. Oh, and if you come storming over to me and say anything like "I buy my cigarettes here all the time and I don't have my ID and she (angry point) won't sell them to me" neither will I. Don't ever think I will bend any rule for you if you can't follow the rules that will get us fined and fired.
Again, there are laws in place that prevent you from buying too many of one kind of cold medicine because someone, somewhere (a lot of someones in a lot of somewheres) drank too much of it and got in a wreck, suffered brain damage, died and because some cannot have enough sense, the law is going to have sense for all of us. I am a cashier, I did not write the law, I did not vote on the law, I am only required to enforce the law. Just deal with it, write an angry letter, go away.
I know that in the midst of your holiday shopping you will encounter some very terrible cashiers, clerks, wait staff, managers. I will, too. A lot of them are under paid, most stores are under staffed, and a decent handful are under trained. If you get that service from me, I am going to say that you probably started it. You failed to treat me decently, you barked at the other cashier, you immediately started in on the long line, the poor selection or best of all, you didn't get off your phone. You bitched about all the questions on the pinpad (there are three questions, all in place for your protection). If you use a creit card there are less questions, if you write a check, there are more steps, if you pay in real cash, there are zero questions and zero risks of fraud. But on the other hand, if you are stressed and you smile, I will be fast and friendly. I will do all that I can to make this transaction stand out in your mind as the one that pulled you back from the edge. I will look in my box of coupons, I will suggest a better deal, I will share with you that I saw what you were after at Target or the Dollar Store or Beauty.com. I will stand in the aisle with you for 15 minutes while you share with me the story of your adult daughter, dieing of a brain tumor. I will listen while you tell me about her beautiful hair, her bright eyes and warm smile. I will cry with you because, after all, the rolls could be reversed and I hope that someone would be there for me in the hair care aisle.
You may be wished a Merry Christmas or a Happy Holidays or not wished anything but a nice day. Why take offense? I will wish you whatever I like. Personally, Happy Holidays is my favorite. Not because I don't want to offend you if you are a Jew, Muslim or Druid but because I want you to have a happy time from right now until you wrap it all up. Whatever that may be. I will wish some a Merry Christmas, I will internally wish some a finger in the eye. And if you are offended that I didn't wish you what you wanted to be wished, that on you. I try to change up what I am saying so I still sound sincere and not robotic. Lighten up, putting the Christ in Christmas should mean a little less judgement!
So there you have it. I just ask, for the good of all human kind to be a little kinder to everyone. You will still have jerks, buttheads, idiots but don't sink to their level. Be polite, be patient, be the person your dog thinks you already are. And if your dog thinks you're an asshole, you most definately are.
Happy Christmas and be well.
"The Internet said you had it."
The Internet is never wrong so we must have it. Did you actually go into the store site and did it say available in stores and when you clicked on that, did it list this store? If you answered yes to all three of these questions then I am on it. I will find this item for you. I will search other stores, I will do whatever it takes to make that right. But if you answered no to any of the questions then don't blame me. The Internet says we have a lot of things we don't. Or you may think the Internet says we have it when actually its just the store getting its logo at the top of the sponsored list. I don't know how that works. I am a cashier, though I know how to navigate the Internet at a decent rate, I am not savvy to the inner workings of it.
On the same note as the Internet said you had it - my doctor said you had it is also not a viable inventory tool. At least once a week a customer comes in using those exact words. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BABY ASPIRIN ANYMORE!!! In the past 14 years there has been a huge push to stop referring to 81mg aspirin as baby aspirin because it is not used for babies. Rye syndrome and all that. It is now 81mg aspirin. It frightens me that so many people come in and say that "my doctor told me I should take a baby aspirin a day." Maybe you need a better educated doctor.
"I got it here last year" "I always get it here" "You used to carry it"
Daily, I here one of those daily. I have been with the company 14 years and a lot has changed in the Christmas aisle alone. And a lot will continue to change as companies aquire other companies and new ideas move into the board room. There are people getting paid much more than me to buy crap from China for you to buy for this wonderful Christan holiday. I put it on the shelf, ring it up and put it in a bag. That is my relationship with most of what we sell. I know that it is frustrating to depend on a store for your holiday stationary, manicure sets, gallon bottle of Charlie, and be very frustrated when it is no longer available. But trends change and if an item is sold almost exclusively on clearance after the holiday, it probably won't be ordered in again. And when it comes to perfume gift sets, if you are only buying one $10 set of the cologne you wore in high school in 1967, you have to accept the fact that this is no longer a hot selling item and it is not profitable to the company to make many of it anymore. Heaven Sent just might not be available anymore. Deep breath and move on.
Oh, back to the Internet and colognes- yes, it may be available online. There are thousands of colognes that can be ordered for you but you must pay in advance because I am not going to have dozens of random bottles laying about, sorry those are the rules. And if I were to carry all these in store, well, this store would be a warehouse and you wouldn't shop here because it would be too big and overwhelming. Ordering it for you is the best I can do.
"Where are your gift cards?"
Gift cards, Visa cards, Green Dot and Phone cards. These are without a doubt the biggest pain in the ass. They are nothing but a scam attractor. A few days ago, a concerned morning news watcher wanted to know why we didn't keep our gift cards behind the counter. Thieves come in, take photos of the backs of gift cards and then wait. They are betting that someone will buy that card and not use it right away but hold it until Christmas, so between now and Christmas, the thieve is punching in those numbers hoping, hoping, hoping. It is a brilliant scheme and must work enough to make it worth doing and reporting on. I don't have the solution other than buy your gift cards from the middle of the rack, wait until Christmas Eve to buy them, give cash. Again, cashier, not my call.
Oh, but waiting to buy your cards on Christmas Eve along with the rest of America will probably cause the system to crash. Again, cashier here. I am not responsible for any of that and in no way can do anything to make the register, gift card activation center, hamsters on the wheel, run faster!
And while I am on the gift card bitch box, let me continue. There is a policy in place that is based on a federal law (the patriot money laundering act starring Harrison Ford, I think) that says you cannot buy more than $500 in any single type gift card per day. Not per cashier, not per store. YOU CANNOT BUY. Now obviously, I don't know if you are going from store to store, but I do know that you have brought me 15 $100 Visa Vanilla cards and I am going to explain to you that Federal law prohibits you from buying more than $500 and I will not sell more than $500.
The conversation will go along one of these lines.
Customer "I just bought 15 of these at your store in (pick location) last night without a problem."
Me "I am prohibited by federal law and there is nothing I will do (I say will instead of can because I am not fucking with federal law)."
Customer "Oh that is so stupid" "But we give them as Christmas presents" "I'll just go to another store""I have to pay a bill, a prince in Nigeria, the IRS is going to arrest me, I am trying to launder money" (OK they never say the last one, but somewhere, someone is thinking that.)
Me "The law is in place to try and prevent money laundering and fraud which can be used to support terrorist activities. If you always buy gift cards at Christmas, there is a corporate plan you can use (look a solution that they don't want to use).
Customer "Do I look like a terrorist?"
Me (in my head) "Well, you do look like you may have some Irish decent in you or English or your resemble Timothy McVay or did Jesus look like a terrorist or you don't, but your teenage son looks like he is looking for some adventure and may hop a boat to Syria, or have any of your relatives thrown tea in a harbor" (Out loud) "I won't knowingly break federal law."
And folks, when you have a man in your store that does not look like he belongs and he has a roll of hundreds and is wanting to buy several Green Dot cards and you have to explain federal law to him when you clearly know that he knows federal prison, you will see why I hate the whole damn department.
Oh, and to the lady that was trying to buy 15 cards at $100 a piece with a $5.95 activation fee, I understand that an employee inadvertently threw away a $100 bill one year and you had to give him another $100 and you feel that these cards are somehow safer. You said you had 35 employees. You will spend @208.25 in fees, you will have to spread your purchases out (legally) over 70 days, and the only one making any real money on this purchase in Visa in activation and use fees.
Lastly, don't be a ass to the cashier. Many cashiers are high school kids with worries of their own. While you waited until the last minute to buy your gift cards, he or she has waited until the last minute to do their paper or study for finals. They are missing the game, the dance, the night date because they need to save for college so they can take care of you in your old age (I hope they remember that you were an ass). Be patient when they aren't sure how to handle your transaction. These cashiers have policies to follow regarding your transaction especially if it involves anything requiring an ID. And yes, some cold medicines and diet pills require an ID. I get that you are fat and sick but I still can't sell it to you without an ID if you appear to be under age. Oh, and if you come storming over to me and say anything like "I buy my cigarettes here all the time and I don't have my ID and she (angry point) won't sell them to me" neither will I. Don't ever think I will bend any rule for you if you can't follow the rules that will get us fined and fired.
Again, there are laws in place that prevent you from buying too many of one kind of cold medicine because someone, somewhere (a lot of someones in a lot of somewheres) drank too much of it and got in a wreck, suffered brain damage, died and because some cannot have enough sense, the law is going to have sense for all of us. I am a cashier, I did not write the law, I did not vote on the law, I am only required to enforce the law. Just deal with it, write an angry letter, go away.
I know that in the midst of your holiday shopping you will encounter some very terrible cashiers, clerks, wait staff, managers. I will, too. A lot of them are under paid, most stores are under staffed, and a decent handful are under trained. If you get that service from me, I am going to say that you probably started it. You failed to treat me decently, you barked at the other cashier, you immediately started in on the long line, the poor selection or best of all, you didn't get off your phone. You bitched about all the questions on the pinpad (there are three questions, all in place for your protection). If you use a creit card there are less questions, if you write a check, there are more steps, if you pay in real cash, there are zero questions and zero risks of fraud. But on the other hand, if you are stressed and you smile, I will be fast and friendly. I will do all that I can to make this transaction stand out in your mind as the one that pulled you back from the edge. I will look in my box of coupons, I will suggest a better deal, I will share with you that I saw what you were after at Target or the Dollar Store or Beauty.com. I will stand in the aisle with you for 15 minutes while you share with me the story of your adult daughter, dieing of a brain tumor. I will listen while you tell me about her beautiful hair, her bright eyes and warm smile. I will cry with you because, after all, the rolls could be reversed and I hope that someone would be there for me in the hair care aisle.
You may be wished a Merry Christmas or a Happy Holidays or not wished anything but a nice day. Why take offense? I will wish you whatever I like. Personally, Happy Holidays is my favorite. Not because I don't want to offend you if you are a Jew, Muslim or Druid but because I want you to have a happy time from right now until you wrap it all up. Whatever that may be. I will wish some a Merry Christmas, I will internally wish some a finger in the eye. And if you are offended that I didn't wish you what you wanted to be wished, that on you. I try to change up what I am saying so I still sound sincere and not robotic. Lighten up, putting the Christ in Christmas should mean a little less judgement!
So there you have it. I just ask, for the good of all human kind to be a little kinder to everyone. You will still have jerks, buttheads, idiots but don't sink to their level. Be polite, be patient, be the person your dog thinks you already are. And if your dog thinks you're an asshole, you most definately are.
Happy Christmas and be well.
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