I didn't watch the Golden Globes because I didn't realize they were on until I was all situated in bed. But I did look at the dresses and I did watch Oprah's amazing speech today, several times. Awards season is special to me in a different way as this season coincides with Ashlyn's time in Iowa City. She and I spent a great deal of time reviewing the photos from the red carpet and talking about what we loved about the dresses. We made to effort to not put down anyone's choices because that isn't productive. We picked our favorites and then went about the business of getting well.
As I said, I didn't watch the Golden Globes, but knew that most would wear black as a sign of solidarity with women and men that have been sexually harassed in the workplace. I love that Oprah pointed out that these were women, because honestly that is the usual victim, in fields away from Hollywood. Women trying to feed their kids and pay their bills do not have the luxury of always speaking up. In my working life, I have seen two clear cases of harassment and neither woman spoke up because of fear of losing their job which meant losing their homes, insurance, car... you get the picture. The first case was during my first job at the hardware store. The second case, just a few years ago at my current job. I didn't really know what I was seeing the first time but the second time, I was aware and ready to help my co worker out. But she was too afraid. I wish more people could understand that fear. Ironically though, when women started coming forward in Hollywood (and I use Hollywood as an all encompassing group of movie industry people) she did not have the sympathy for them for waiting to say something. She wasn't sexually harassed, just harassed, that was her reasoning. I couldn't make sense of her reasoning, and I guess it isn't up to me to make sense of it. I had assumed that she would understand.
I am sure that I have been sexually harassed. I know I have had plenty of inappropriate things said to me when I worked in the hardware store. When I was an adult, I don't know that I even heard the remarks that grown men made. I hope that my face showed either contempt or sympathy for their incredible lack of maturity. But when I was a teen, I know that my face showed bright red when someone said something sexual about the nuts, screws, rods they were buying. My friendly little self would say "Hi, how are you?" and they'd answer "fine, and you?" I naively said "I'm fine!" and they'd say "I bet you are." What kind of man does that? Thankfully one of the Jerrys or Dwayne would be in ear shot and would quickly correct them. Because I had a defender, I learned that people couldn't talk to me like that. I got thicker skin and a quicker wit. I worked for a local business and could get away with saying snotty responses when warranted. There was no such thing as a call to corporate to complain. More than once I saw my boss show someone the door. Now, I don't know what you could possibly say to me that I would consider sexually harassing me, but sure as it, I would turn you in. Because if you have found something vulgar enough to offend me, you have no place in the work place.
I think the hashtag #metoo served a very important purpose. I don't think it was to turn women against men. I don't think it was to make every man feel like he was a horrible person or that every woman was a victim. I think it was to make everyone aware that they were not alone in this, that they needed feel embarrassed or ashamed and that sexual harassment was a real, live breathing monster that was somehow ok. And it isn't. And if this hashtag means that women can eat bananas in the office lunchroom without hearing a snide comment then Thank You hashtag because it will also mean that the Frank Hart Jr's of the world won't get to pull their shit anymore either. In fact, it may just create a work environment where there are employees not men and women.
Another argument I have heard about the me too movement is that women that have really been sexually harassed and assaulted won't be believed because women are coming out of the woodwork claiming incidents that happened ten to twenty years ago. I have to wonder why would the person's allegations of twenty years ago have any bearing on the allegations of a person's made today? Should I base the claim of one woman up against the claim of another? If I go to the police and say that I was raped, should the police pull out the file of women that claimed rape but really were not and say "well we've had women say this before and it wasn't true, so you are lying, too?" Of course not!!! We should listen to each story, the facts of it and move forward from there with each story. This is not an all or nothing kind of situation. And yes, there are women who cry rape when they are not. There are women that will claim sexual harassment when they are not harassed and there will be women who use their sex as a way to get ahead in a job. YES! YES! YES! And I don't see how that argument applies here. If you come to me and tell me your story, I will listen and I will believe you until I have evidence not to believe you. Why in the world would I do that the other way around?
And as far as women coming forward years after the incident happened, I understand that. There are some things that one just doesn't realize happened until later in life. Or they have finally come to realize that what happened wasn't their fault and that they no longer needed to feel guilt about it. Or they just didn't think people would believe them, and they were probably right.
Now let's stop blaming the victim, shall we!
Oprah Winfrey for president. It is discouraging that a joke from an awards show host could move so fast in this world to be a hashtag, many memes and sadly, many hateful facebook pages. I am not saying that Winfrey as a candidate would be a bad idea, I would be very interested in this platform. I am saying that it is a bad idea to create such fury over something that is nothing. But the idea of a self made billionaire who has successfully run many businesses and has dogs as a president...I do think that a person like Winfrey would appoint the best people. She has a long career of listening to others, asking questions of experts, admitting her failings and demanding the respect of everyone she does business with, not by her attitude but by her actions.
One more thing... I don't mind that Hollywood talks about politics. They have an opinion just like I do, just like you do. And if you were afforded that platform, wouldn't you want to have your say? I would. In what I wore, in what I said, in what I did, I would want to get my feelings out there if I thought they could create a better place. And let's be honest, we are already highly influenced by what Hollywood has to say or we wouldn't be going to the movies. I know people that have chosen to boycott an actor and I think that is great. I haven't seen another Quentin Tarantino movie since his appearance at an anti police rally. I have always loved his movies, but until I can figure out how to watch one that in no way financially supports him, I won't. But you can and we will still be friends. I appreciate that actresses are demanding equal pay for equal performances. I don't know how one measures that in a workplace that is based on what people want to see and what they are willing to pay to see. I would like to see all of Hollywood to make a little less money and see that trickle down to the box office at my local Cinemark so I could see more movies in the theater!
More than anything, people need to do the right thing. And the right thing for you doesn't have to be the right thing for me and surprise, we can still get along. I am all about the conversation, trying to see the other point of view, trying to understand why something is offensive to them, important to them or angers them. It has only made me more aware and more compassionate (yeah, I went there). I gladly look forward to the day when we can stop being so horrible to each other. I gladly claim my share of the blame. Share your thoughts. Thanks for reading my award show speech!
