I have not written in years. Years of missed opportunities to capture how I was feeling about a particular event or about nothing in particular. My days had gotten busier, for sure. No longer working a common job, I now work with the delights of my life, my grands. Oh, and trying to weave another rug in every free moment I get. But there's a yard I want to tend, photos I want to organize, a recipe to try, a room to paint. And the therapy I want to explore and the degree I want to pursue. Did I mention there was also a body that I want to keep healthy and a relationship that I do not want to take for granted.
I keep telling myself that I just need to get my time organized and the more I say that, the worse my organization gets. I create these elaborate ideas of how to fill my day and crawl into bed feeling that nothing was accomplished. I know that I am not alone in this. I know that my expectations are unreasonable and also, are dumb.
My wants are getting simpler. I want to crawl into bed each night full of gratitude, knowing that I did the best I could do that day. I don't want to spend any of my days regretting what was. Because spending that time on regret keeps me from being in this moment which will lead to more regret! Holy shit!!! That's a breakthrough!
This blog is a diary of sorts, an easier method to read about what I was feeling on a particular event or about nothing in particular, just wanting to hear the clicks of the keys. It may become a place for my grands to come to know me better if I don't stay around for a long time. It's also a place for me to see how my thoughts have changed, how I may have grown and changed.
I noticed that I had several blogs that I never published. They were full of thoughts I couldn't or wouldn't finish. I deleted those and I delete the expectations in my mind that are keeping me from doing what I enjoy doing when I am not doing what I need to be doing.
So anyway, the purpose of today's blog post is simple, I'm doing just fine and I am right where I am supposed to be, unpainted walls and all.
I hope you are happy with where you are and that you know that you are where you ought to be in this moment and You get to chose where you take your heart next!
