Anyway, today just happens to be Ashlyn's birthday. She is twenty two. I spent a little extra time looking at the photos of her early days, and just a second or two longer on those few blessed photos of my mom with my girl.
Ashlyn and I have had the discussion about my mom and what she would have thought about Ashlyn's adventures. Though Ashlyn was always Grandpa Snow's little buddy, I think she was a kindred spirit to Grandma Snow.
Let me begin with the fact that my mom had great concerns about me becoming a parent. I found out I was pregnant after Danny had left for Saudi Arabia. We did not know how long he was going to be gone and my mom had many fears about me being able to take good care of myself considering I was alone with a lot happening in my life at a very rapid rate. She also had concerns about me being a mom. Not one to enjoy the company of children, I was not the ideal person to carry one and then raise it. I can only imagine the conversations that were had with her nursing friends and her sisters. Much hand ringing took place, I am sure.
But it turned out alright. Mom and I bonded over this little girl I had. My parents came to visit shortly after Ashlyn was born, and I could see that Mom was pretty confident in my mom abilities. There were a few times in the next few years that Mom would let me know that the job I was doing was hard, single parenting half the time while we stayed in one bedroom. But she appreciated my efforts and knew that I was doing the best I could be doing.
I don't know when Ashlyn's memories of Grandma Snow became tainted with the disease of dementia. I don't know if she remembers a lot of the good, or if it is too much of the bad. Way too much of it was bad.
Mom died seven years ago this month but the disease took so much of her years before that. She never knew that Ashlyn was in colorguard. Or that she took up sewing. Or that she got terribly sick. She never saw her exceptionally good grades. Didn't know that Ashlyn had raided her fifties and sixties era closet. Missed out on seeing this incredible young woman.
So Ashlyn, I kinda think this is how it would have been...
Grandma Snow would have loved Colorguard, the music and movement. She would have been your biggest fan. She would have wanted you to teach her how to quilt. She would have been overwhelmed with joy when you wore her dress to homecoming. She would have driven you crazy, reading endless magazines in your hospital room. The two of you could have spent hours looking at the best dressed lists from awards season. Grandma would have looked at every photo, listened to every travel story, would have told the world of your adventures. I know she knew all that you did, all that you overcame. It just would have been nice to have her here, really here to share in it all.
But if she were here today, living and lucid, I would like to think that Grandma Snow would share with you a few things.
Watch Dr. Zhivago, it is right up your alley. (I don't know if Mom actually ever saw the entire movie, but she slept on the couch every time it was on).
Keep being green. It is in your blood. Everything can be reused (that is why everything was saved, so when she thought of a way to reuse it, she would have it to reuse).
Wear my old clothes. I was fashionable and classic. (and beautiful).
Travel. Well, you already know this one and are seeing so much.
Keep going to mass. Look at what faith can give you (and light a candle for Grandma in all the churches you stop in, she thought that was neat.)
No comments:
Post a Comment