She made me a mom

It was about twenty three years ago right now that it all kind of sunk in.   I was a mom.  I had an Ashlyn.  She did it, she made me a mom.  I don't think she realized what she had gotten herself into and I know that I did not know what I had gotten myself into.  In no way was I prepared for the overwhelming amount of love that I had for this child immediately.  And fear, overwhelming amount of fear.
I have said before that Danny had all the confidence in our parenting abilities and he turned out to be right.  Though babies don't come with instruction manuals, they do seem to flip an emotional and natural switch in most parents.  This switch turned me into a mom.  I didn't always know what to do, but I did a pretty good job of figuring it out.  All except the sleep thing, which was a casualty of war.  When Ashlyn cried, we fed her, changed her, sang to her, held her and loved her.  Sometimes we put her in the car and drove her. 
I don't have a lot of memories of my mom and me being mother and daughter.  When I was young, she worked nights so she was often asleep.  I know now that she was awake more than I remember, but her sleeping (and me not being quiet enough) sticks out in my mind.  As I grew into an incorrigible teen, we definitely grew apart.  I don't blame her, I didn't like me much either.   I never showed a consistent maturity.  I was not responsible.  I was very spoiled.  So when I announced that I was pregnant, her concerns were valid.
But I was and am a good mom and I know that my mom delighted in that.  We grew much closer over Ashlyn.  I will always be grateful to Ashlyn for that.
Anyway, I didn't know what being a mom was going to be like.  I had no idea that this love for a little person would be so all encompassing.  I didn't know that I would change the way I spoke and walked and stood.  I didn't know that I would be a master at doing everything one handed while I balanced an eating baby in the other arm.  I didn't know that I could stare at someone for so long, or that I could cover that much baby with kisses.  I had no idea that it would only grow, this crazy crush I had on my child(ren).
Ashlyn, as we all know, is pretty darn neat.  I know this because I am her mom and friend and fan.  I have had the amazing honor of being a part of this girl growing up.  I taught her the ABC's, colors, animal sounds and first introduced her to the globe.  Now she knows all kinds of stuff and has been to a lot of places on the globe.  I take a tiny bit of credit for that.  Because I would like to think for all the mistakes that I made (and her dad made), we did one thing right.  We always loved her in a way that made her feel safe and secure so she could be pretty darn neat.
Being Ashlyn's mom was the best thing I had ever done and I followed it up with being Hayley and Jacob's mom.  I screwed up with them as well.  That first time that Ashlyn and Hayley and Jacob looked into my eyes and decided that they would trust me to mom them, well, it doesn't get any better than that for this girl. 
Thanks Ashlyn for being my daughter first and my friend second.  You and I have a long track record of hanging out, watching movies, reading books, talking.  You trusted me for twenty three years, I appreciate that.  I think I did a pretty decent job of the mom job.  You excelled at the daughter job. 

Kermit is Right

I have been wanting to go green more and more.  I find myself seething when people ask for something to be double bagged.  I pick papers out the trash to recycle. I think about the food selections I am making, weighing the packaging choices more than the calories.  I flip off lights, wash clothes on cold and take my own bags to, well, everywhere.
It is still hard though.  Being green takes a lot of forethought and planning.  I must remember my reusable bags, I must turn off lights, I must recycle.  I must make the conscious decision to do without it in the first place.  That is really where being green must start with, for me. 
I have talked about this a little in early blogs, and I must admit that this has been hard.  Before I buy a want, it has to pass my checklist.
1.  Is it local or fair trade?  If yes, my purchase is approved.
If the answer to that is no, then it must be American made.  That way the fuels used to transport the item were less.  If it comes from China then that is a big nope! 
2.  After viewing the video of dying birds, I am no longer buying soda or water in bottles.  The one exception will be Jacob's graduation parties.  I would have to buy cups or glasses and feel that water bottles have a greater chance of getting recycled at the parties.  Otherwise, I am either purchasing canned or soda fountain items.  My next step is to stop getting take away drinks all together or find a place that let's me bring in my own glass that I can wash and refill.
Granted my checklist is pretty small, but I feel like #1 should take care of a lot of it.  I also feel like #1 will allow me to make the most of my dollars for the good of the earth and those that live in it. 
Another part of going green has been an ongoing attempt to green up this big blue house.  I know that having a pool is about as ungreen as I an be so I am working hard at countering that.  I have two rain barrels and do not water my yard or outside plants with water from the hose.  I have also planted plants that absorb the splashed out water as the grass wasn't keeping up.  These plants are resistant to the chemicals in the water and help clean it.  I wish that I could have a solar heater, but that is out of the budget. 
The house has already been fitted with new efficient windows in all but one room.  There is an energy blanket in the attic and foam insulation in the walls.  There is a metal roof going on soon and that should last our lifetime.  Unfortunately, even with these improvements, this house still isn't as efficient as it should be. 
The Midamerican audit gave us low flow shower heads and many light bulbs.  We run almost all laundry on cold except for when Harlow has to have her laundry done and then high heat is required.  The washer is HE and the dryer and dishwasher are energy stars.  I have switched to Mrs. Meyers cleaning products.  Vinegar is now my fabric softener and will become a lot more as I learn to use it.  Hydrogen peroxide is also a common cleaner for me.  The soaps in the bathroom are being replaced with soaps that have ingredients that I can pronounce and spell.
In the yard, hostas and flowers will take over more yard.  I am looking for plants that lure honey bees, butterflies and hummingbirds.  I am wanting less grass as it is more to maintain.  I am planting lilies from my sister's house (free is very green) on one side that needs some prettying up and these lilies will reduce the carbon and improve the oxygen.  They will attract the bees and will not need any treatments. 
Being green is forcing me to look at everything I do.  I am choosing to email my receipts, carry my own bags and eliminate my junk mail.  I am taking the time to think about what I want, what I need and what I can re purpose. 
Recently at work, I really wanted to buy a new lip balm.  I had a coupon and it was on sale.  Combined with my discount, it was a heck of a deal.  I could not find where it was made.  Many cosmetics are made in China, many are not.  I could not read any of the ingredients.  It may have contained palm oil (usually listed under another name).  I knew that I had six or seven lip colors at home.  I put the coupon in the coupon bin and that was the end of that.  It felt good to make that choice.  It felt right to know that a want and need were two very different things, that every purchase I make has a trickle down effect and that I have five more dollars in my pocket. 
It isn't easy being green, but thanks to all those tree huggers that went before me, I have a lot of resources to call on to learn the tricks.  There are many of my facebook friends that are green.  Pinterest is a goldmine of green goodness.  And common sense is green. 
Step by step, I will make the right choices for me and my world.  I will do better and be better and leave it better.  And I believe that being green, being a steward of the earth is part of being faithful.  It is the right way of honoring God's gift to me.  And if I didn't believe that, if I didn't have a faith, being green is still the right thing to do. 
When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why
Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful
And I think it's what I want to be

Yeah, It's Still Like That

This past weekend we loaded up the car and drove into Chicago for a little lookie loo at the Science and Industry Museum.  They had a special exhibit of Walt Disney artifacts and Disney memorabilia.  Disney has always been something pretty magical to us, as it has been to most everyone I know, and having the opportunity to see Mary Poppin's carpet bag seemed like too good of an opportunity to miss.  So after much exasperation, we found a weekend that would work for all of us and made it happen.
There are five of us and we no longer have the mini van.  There are no drop down screens in the back seat, no spread out kids.  Nope, there were three adults cramped in the backseat for five or so hours.  Danny and I lucked out as he was the driver and I am his wife, we got front seats. 
We had to pick Hayley up in Cedar Falls so the first couple of hours were a little more comfortable plus Jacob was asleep 35 minutes into the drive.  Ashlyn was pretty riled up and she kept herself busy figuring out ways to bug her dad.  I tried to read a book but the light faded and the happenings in the car became more interesting once we got Hayley on board.
It is a blessing that our kids love the same music as we do.  We sang a lot of 80s hits.  Not well, mind you, but we were loud and proud.  I still don't know what happened to all the words of Shout, but we nailed the chorus.  Hungry Like the Wolf required a lyrics search, much discussion and then the decision that we would continue to sing it like we always have. 
Straddle the line
Disco and rhyme
And I'm hungry like the wolf
We took the northern route in from Cedar Falls and it was pretty hilly.  I am guessing it is very pretty during the day, but at night, with nothing to see we busied ourselves with watching for snowmobilers, giants on tractors and falling tetris as there were warning signs for all of these.  I also suggested watching the tree line for Bigfoot because it also seemed reasonable.  We arrived in Chicago safely and sleepily.  It was a great ride in.
We weren't really thinking when we got to the museum and didn't play in the farm land at all.  It was probably just as well as the place was jumping and we wouldn't have been able to get a new kids on the cow photo.  We did play in the weather/natural phenomena area and I looked at the jar babies.  We watched the miniature trains (thank God) and the little chicks.
But it was Disney that we were there to see.  Reading this man's story is something else.  His and Roy's impact on this country and much of the world is undeniable.  I think I have known his handwriting longer than anyone else's as it was scrawled across the records I listened to as a child.  It was on the VHS tapes my children had.  It is on half of the DVD collection I ow have.  It is on Hayley's arm.  Jacob's first movie was a Disney movie, he was just a peanut of a boy going to A Goofy Movie.  Hayley's first and second impressions were of Disney characters- Snow White and the Evil Queen.  Ashlyn went to Lion King with her Big Buddy shortly before we moved to Germany, her last adventure with him for quite some time.  Because of Disney it was cute that I married Danny.  Because of Disney I believe in happily ever afters.
You know the opening scene of Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty when the gilded storybook is opened?  Those books were there.  Those books opened countless times at my house as the movie started on snow days and sick days and down in the dump days.  We turned a corner and there was Paul's bedknob.  A little later was Mary Poppins carpet bag and Mr. Banks smoking jacket.  But it was in reading the Disney story that the magic unfolded.  I know he was not the most politically correct man, but he made amazing movies and created wonderful worlds.  He stood on the edge of wonder and then just jumped in!  And we shared that wonder as a family.  Thanks Walt.
We left the museum for some Pot Belly's.  We went back to the hotel and napped.  We then went out for some Giordano's.  Then back to the hotel to pack Hayley up and put her in her first ever taxi ride.  She was headed to a different hotel as she had a bridal event on Sunday.
Jacob, Ashlyn, Danny and I met up with a couple of Ashlyn's college friends for mass at the cathedral and brunch.  Other than the parking that sucks in Chicago, Sunday morning was wonderful.  It was the pomp of Catholic that I love with a choir singing in English, but singing so well that we couldn't tell.  It was organ and candles and intricate ceilings.  Brunch was rich and delicious and quaint.  One of those Sunday mornings that gives hope to all the other Sunday mornings. 
And then the long drive home.  Jacob slept and Danny drove.  Ashlyn played on her phone and I read my book.  Sometimes I would make an exasperated sound and Danny would ask and I would explain the part I was at in the book and then a lively conversation would ensue.
And on an entirely different subject, a friend told me to not get caught up in the small stuff, and when I read that I realized that all of this weekend was small stuff.  It was singing and laughing and doing Jacob's hair.  It was discussing how Hayley's shoes DO look like Snow White's shoes.  It was small moment after small moment stacked and squeezed and pushed into this wonderful weekend.  It was remembering the trip we took to Chicago in 2001 and again in 2010. 
I leave with this - I remember previous car trips with kinder in the back seat, singing, laughing, being in cahoots.  My hand resting on the center console.  A squeeze and Danny's warm smile in the light of the instrument panel.  All being right in my small world.  Yeah, it's still like that.