She made me a mom

It was about twenty three years ago right now that it all kind of sunk in.   I was a mom.  I had an Ashlyn.  She did it, she made me a mom.  I don't think she realized what she had gotten herself into and I know that I did not know what I had gotten myself into.  In no way was I prepared for the overwhelming amount of love that I had for this child immediately.  And fear, overwhelming amount of fear.
I have said before that Danny had all the confidence in our parenting abilities and he turned out to be right.  Though babies don't come with instruction manuals, they do seem to flip an emotional and natural switch in most parents.  This switch turned me into a mom.  I didn't always know what to do, but I did a pretty good job of figuring it out.  All except the sleep thing, which was a casualty of war.  When Ashlyn cried, we fed her, changed her, sang to her, held her and loved her.  Sometimes we put her in the car and drove her. 
I don't have a lot of memories of my mom and me being mother and daughter.  When I was young, she worked nights so she was often asleep.  I know now that she was awake more than I remember, but her sleeping (and me not being quiet enough) sticks out in my mind.  As I grew into an incorrigible teen, we definitely grew apart.  I don't blame her, I didn't like me much either.   I never showed a consistent maturity.  I was not responsible.  I was very spoiled.  So when I announced that I was pregnant, her concerns were valid.
But I was and am a good mom and I know that my mom delighted in that.  We grew much closer over Ashlyn.  I will always be grateful to Ashlyn for that.
Anyway, I didn't know what being a mom was going to be like.  I had no idea that this love for a little person would be so all encompassing.  I didn't know that I would change the way I spoke and walked and stood.  I didn't know that I would be a master at doing everything one handed while I balanced an eating baby in the other arm.  I didn't know that I could stare at someone for so long, or that I could cover that much baby with kisses.  I had no idea that it would only grow, this crazy crush I had on my child(ren).
Ashlyn, as we all know, is pretty darn neat.  I know this because I am her mom and friend and fan.  I have had the amazing honor of being a part of this girl growing up.  I taught her the ABC's, colors, animal sounds and first introduced her to the globe.  Now she knows all kinds of stuff and has been to a lot of places on the globe.  I take a tiny bit of credit for that.  Because I would like to think for all the mistakes that I made (and her dad made), we did one thing right.  We always loved her in a way that made her feel safe and secure so she could be pretty darn neat.
Being Ashlyn's mom was the best thing I had ever done and I followed it up with being Hayley and Jacob's mom.  I screwed up with them as well.  That first time that Ashlyn and Hayley and Jacob looked into my eyes and decided that they would trust me to mom them, well, it doesn't get any better than that for this girl. 
Thanks Ashlyn for being my daughter first and my friend second.  You and I have a long track record of hanging out, watching movies, reading books, talking.  You trusted me for twenty three years, I appreciate that.  I think I did a pretty decent job of the mom job.  You excelled at the daughter job.