Today there was a bit of an issue with two cardboard display boxes thrown in the trash. I stood there asking if he was going to leave those boxes in the trash. Repeating that question very time there was a break in the conversation.
"It really doesn't matter if those boxes get recycled."
"Are you going to leave those boxes in the trash?"
"There are so many people in the world that don't recycle. Do you know the millions of pounds of recycling that goes to the land fill?"
"Are you going to leave those boxes in the trash?"
"When I was at ISU, I took a world populations class and in some countries, men would be escorted into a building and castrated." (I didn't fact check this blog.)
"Are you going to leave those boxes in the trash?"
"As long as people are on the earth, the earth will stay ruined."
"Are you going to leave those boxes in the trash?"
I couldn't stay in the aisle, I had work to do, but I also had a mission to get those boxes out of the trash. I cannot control a lot at work, but I can control where the boxes go that are in my department, this wasn't my department. I am adamant about recycling what we can. I am constantly trying to find new ways to use less. It isn't easy in retail. There are reports to print and notes to write. Nearly everything comes shrink wrapped or boxed, or both. Ask me about Garnier hair products and I will tell you about a company that wastes and removes posts from Facebook. For every five totes of make up I receive, one of those totes is refilled with empty, little boxes. Revlon puts one, just one, carded lip liner in each shipping box. They send a very generic email response when one sends a very passionate one to them. I pointed out the cost savings there is to gain by putting two in a box. Still ships with one.
I bring towels from home to use when shelves are cleaned. I advise the management staff daily when a faucet drips or a toilet leaks. I turn off lights. I thank those that don't take a bag or bring their own bag. I encourage the purchase of products that don't contain microbeads or sulfates. I talk about Dr. Bonners and Shea Moisture.
My options are limited when working for a company that wants to see the company be in the black more than be in the green. There are a lot of greener initiatives happening company wide, but what is mandated and what actually happens are not always the same. People have to give a damn.
I don't know if those two boxes will matter. I doubt that those are the climate changing tipping point that we cannot return from. But maybe they are. Maybe those are the last two boxes that can end up in the landfill. Maybe those are the two boxes that will allow the zombies to rise. I don't know and I am not willing to find out. Zombies will not rise on my cardboard box watch.
I know that the earth is in a world of hurt. I don't know if it can be saved but she is certainly worth fighting for. I try to do my part but I don't come anywhere close to it. How can recycling and turning off lights begin to repay for the flowers in the field, the ocean, the butterflies on a bush?
I do try to walk the walk. And sometimes they realize that I am serious about the boxes in the trash and they take them out and recycle them. Yea Earth!
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Monday, August 25, 2014
Misty Watered Colored Memories
My brother, Bobby and his wife Sarah have been visiting the family for almost a month now. I will have only seen them a couple of times because life gets in the way. We spent nearly two weeks with them in New Zealand back in February so seeing them again so soon is such a treat.
Bobby is the oldest, nine years older than me. He was frequently my care giver. I remember being ridden down to Redmond Park in the summer for Tot Lot. I remember watching Abbott and Costello on Sunday mornings when everyone else had gone to Mass. I remember when the recruiter came to take Bobby away. He never really came back after that. I don't realize how much I miss him until he is back. Even with all the time and miles, a girl still needs to have someone to watch Abbott and Costello with.
With the Kiwi Snow visit came Jacob's CRapids graduation party. Again, I get all teary eyed thinking about my little guy going off to college. I think I handled it all pretty well until we actually moved him in and then it just became too much in many different ways.
Today is the actual first day of school for both Hayley and Jacob. This is Hayley's last first day of school. I sometimes think she has already graduated in her mind and is trying to figure out the day after graduation. Hayley has a plan. Plans don't always pan out. I hope she is prepared for that. Don't rush this last year. Enjoy it. You can always bunk here until the earth feels steady and you are ready to move on.
Our old CRapids house is for sale. Couldn't time the visit for the open house. I would love to walk through there again. Just to see.
On Sunday, I went to my Aunt Margaret's house for a family gathering to sort through old photos that were at my grandma's house. It was wonderful. All of my mom's siblings were there. I always get just a little pissed off at the world when I see them healthy and of sharp mind and wonder why did Mom get dementia? Why couldn't she have stayed as brilliant as the rest? Being with The Sisters, as they are called by my children, is as close as I will ever get to my mom. There is such comfort in their hugs, in their voices, in their stories. I always come away a little fuller.
I found a photo of the orginial Barron, my grandparents dog. It was very cool to see an old friend. I also found a photo of my grandpa holding me, I was pretty brand new. It was probably the only time I was happy to be held by him. I did not always see eye to eye with the man.
I learned that Sister Alice, my second grade teacher, died recently. She was in a retirement home for nuns in Omaha. She was in her ninties. I have fond memories of her. She gave me a little book of paintings by Renoir on her last day of teaching at IC. I still have the book.
I'm glad that I have Monday mornings off as they allow for some rebound time from the weekend. This Monday morning I am rebounding emotionally from just so much joy. I have a warm fuzzy that should last all week. I won't see Bobby and Sarah again before they head home. Hayley and Brett will be the last of the White's to represent. I will not get to hear all about the first day of school from either of my kinder as the bus doesn't drop them off here anymore. I have to wait a month to go through the photos again as Crissy will bring the box down for me to pick through and scan in. I have a family tree program that is ever expanding.
More than anything, I am struck by my good fortune. In this week, really in these two days, I can see where I came from and I can see where the future is headed. It is pretty cool to see where hard work and love can bring a family. I think my own kinder know that hard work and love that was put in to get them close to where they are going.
Bobby is the oldest, nine years older than me. He was frequently my care giver. I remember being ridden down to Redmond Park in the summer for Tot Lot. I remember watching Abbott and Costello on Sunday mornings when everyone else had gone to Mass. I remember when the recruiter came to take Bobby away. He never really came back after that. I don't realize how much I miss him until he is back. Even with all the time and miles, a girl still needs to have someone to watch Abbott and Costello with.
With the Kiwi Snow visit came Jacob's CRapids graduation party. Again, I get all teary eyed thinking about my little guy going off to college. I think I handled it all pretty well until we actually moved him in and then it just became too much in many different ways.
Today is the actual first day of school for both Hayley and Jacob. This is Hayley's last first day of school. I sometimes think she has already graduated in her mind and is trying to figure out the day after graduation. Hayley has a plan. Plans don't always pan out. I hope she is prepared for that. Don't rush this last year. Enjoy it. You can always bunk here until the earth feels steady and you are ready to move on.
Our old CRapids house is for sale. Couldn't time the visit for the open house. I would love to walk through there again. Just to see.
On Sunday, I went to my Aunt Margaret's house for a family gathering to sort through old photos that were at my grandma's house. It was wonderful. All of my mom's siblings were there. I always get just a little pissed off at the world when I see them healthy and of sharp mind and wonder why did Mom get dementia? Why couldn't she have stayed as brilliant as the rest? Being with The Sisters, as they are called by my children, is as close as I will ever get to my mom. There is such comfort in their hugs, in their voices, in their stories. I always come away a little fuller.
I found a photo of the orginial Barron, my grandparents dog. It was very cool to see an old friend. I also found a photo of my grandpa holding me, I was pretty brand new. It was probably the only time I was happy to be held by him. I did not always see eye to eye with the man.
I learned that Sister Alice, my second grade teacher, died recently. She was in a retirement home for nuns in Omaha. She was in her ninties. I have fond memories of her. She gave me a little book of paintings by Renoir on her last day of teaching at IC. I still have the book.
I'm glad that I have Monday mornings off as they allow for some rebound time from the weekend. This Monday morning I am rebounding emotionally from just so much joy. I have a warm fuzzy that should last all week. I won't see Bobby and Sarah again before they head home. Hayley and Brett will be the last of the White's to represent. I will not get to hear all about the first day of school from either of my kinder as the bus doesn't drop them off here anymore. I have to wait a month to go through the photos again as Crissy will bring the box down for me to pick through and scan in. I have a family tree program that is ever expanding.
More than anything, I am struck by my good fortune. In this week, really in these two days, I can see where I came from and I can see where the future is headed. It is pretty cool to see where hard work and love can bring a family. I think my own kinder know that hard work and love that was put in to get them close to where they are going.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
News At 11
If you saw my cryptic post on Facebook earlier today, I am sure you were maybe concerned, but definitely curious about what this day held.
Today started with a furious storm. Lying in bed listening to the thunder and rain lashing the windows, I only thought of it being moving day. Moving day for Jacob. We had packed up most of the cars the night before so there wasn't much to do this morning until we got to Iowa State. Jacob left before us taking his chances when the rain broke.
We arrived a couple hours later and much of the room was put together. Jacob is rooming with two of his buddies. They seemed to have worked out who was bringing what and it appeared that Jacob brought the nonsense. I will admit that I am worried, worried that there will be room for all the gaming systems and that they will be able to sort out all the cords. Worried that Jacob will OD on the fantastic chocolate milk at the dining hall. Worried that, well, just worried, I guess. We did not stay long as Jacob and roommates needed to figure it all out for themselves.
Before I get to the rest of the day, I want to just work through the idea of my youngest going off to college. I am not really sad. This is the goal, right? To prepare the offspring to leave the house and go. Danny and I have always stressed that we wanted our children to be successful. Not rich, not famous, just successful. Meaning that they do what they enjoy. College was always something we discussed, but we also discussed the military and trade schools. We were always honest about the bill being theirs but so is the accomplishment. I cannot take any claim to the success or failure of college. This is all them. So I bade Jacob a fond so long today knowing that we have done as much as we could to prepare him for this day. Jacob will figure it out. He will learn to set his priorities, he will learn to do homework first and have fun immediately after. He will learn to eat well and not too often. He will learn to live with roommates, the first time ever. He will.
I had different worries about Ashlyn and Hayley. Worries that pertained to each of them. Worries that were unnecessary as I am sure my worries for Jacob are as well.
We offered Jacob lunch and that was the most important decision we made all day.
Village Inn, because Jacob wanted pancakes.
While waiting for our table, an elderly couple came in and Danny and Jacob offered up their seat on the bench. I have the terrible habit of people watching. I watched as this little lady grabbed the flap on the back pocket of her husband's pants. I thought it was cute. The second time I looked over at them, he was sitting in the chair looking out at the restaurant and she was reaching for her purse on the floor. But she wasn't. She had slumped over and wasn't ok. I immediately got Danny who rushed to her. She was not breathing. Danny had them call 911 and with the help of the manager, laid her on the floor and began performing CPR.
There are many sides to all of us. I have the front side and the back side, the sweet and the snarky. That's pretty much it. I can live with that. I'm no hero.
I have seen a few of Danny's sides. I have never seen the Marine or Ranger in action, for that I am thankful. I have never seen full on police officer either. I have seen enough of that though to get the idea. But today I saw the lifesaving training kick into gear. It was very emotional. She wasn't breathing. Her heartbeat was very weak. Her husband sat on the bench just watching two complete strangers do chest compressions on his wife. I could not have been more proud of Danny. It was very overwhelming.
One family waiting for a table had to leave. Jacob said that the girl in the group was very upset. Another dad said to his son that "we picked the wrong place to eat." Another woman, while chest compressions were in progress, asked where she should pay. Jacob held the door for the first responders, I stood waiting for instructions and then sat with her husband. Danny saved her life.
Ames police and paramedics said that she had a strong heartbeat when they had her in the ambulance.
Jacob, after it had all calmed down and we were seated, looked at me and said "people need to know that this is what they do. When someone says 'fuck the police', they need to know that this is what they do. Dad didn't have to do anything, he is a dad taking his kid to school. But he did, he saved her life because that is what they do." Jacob makes a very valid point.
So that was our very interesting day. We are exhausted. Watching someone save a life is very tiring. I am impressed with the response time and professionalism of the Ames police department and paramedics. I am appreciative that Village Inn paid for our meal. I am beyond grateful that Danny is well trained and is willing to rush in when I people watch.
In other news, Emmitt is glad that Ashlyn in home. Ashlyn had a quick little get away with the Kiwi Snows and Crissy and Duncan. They went to Chicago and Ashlyn got to Mata Trader and came home with two new frocks and two new tops. Fair Trade!!!
Hayley is ready for her final year to start. She is trying to have a bit of a plan for the future but it is hard. She knows that there is always a place here for her to rest and regroup.
On another note, I found myself bitching about my job again. I hate that I do that.
We have some home improvement projects that we will be starting soon. Carpet coming up and flooring going down. We have Ashlyn here so the nest isn't empty, but with her two jobs, it is not full. And with Jacob away and Harlow gone, it is far too quiet.
Today started with a furious storm. Lying in bed listening to the thunder and rain lashing the windows, I only thought of it being moving day. Moving day for Jacob. We had packed up most of the cars the night before so there wasn't much to do this morning until we got to Iowa State. Jacob left before us taking his chances when the rain broke.
We arrived a couple hours later and much of the room was put together. Jacob is rooming with two of his buddies. They seemed to have worked out who was bringing what and it appeared that Jacob brought the nonsense. I will admit that I am worried, worried that there will be room for all the gaming systems and that they will be able to sort out all the cords. Worried that Jacob will OD on the fantastic chocolate milk at the dining hall. Worried that, well, just worried, I guess. We did not stay long as Jacob and roommates needed to figure it all out for themselves.
Before I get to the rest of the day, I want to just work through the idea of my youngest going off to college. I am not really sad. This is the goal, right? To prepare the offspring to leave the house and go. Danny and I have always stressed that we wanted our children to be successful. Not rich, not famous, just successful. Meaning that they do what they enjoy. College was always something we discussed, but we also discussed the military and trade schools. We were always honest about the bill being theirs but so is the accomplishment. I cannot take any claim to the success or failure of college. This is all them. So I bade Jacob a fond so long today knowing that we have done as much as we could to prepare him for this day. Jacob will figure it out. He will learn to set his priorities, he will learn to do homework first and have fun immediately after. He will learn to eat well and not too often. He will learn to live with roommates, the first time ever. He will.
I had different worries about Ashlyn and Hayley. Worries that pertained to each of them. Worries that were unnecessary as I am sure my worries for Jacob are as well.
We offered Jacob lunch and that was the most important decision we made all day.
Village Inn, because Jacob wanted pancakes.
While waiting for our table, an elderly couple came in and Danny and Jacob offered up their seat on the bench. I have the terrible habit of people watching. I watched as this little lady grabbed the flap on the back pocket of her husband's pants. I thought it was cute. The second time I looked over at them, he was sitting in the chair looking out at the restaurant and she was reaching for her purse on the floor. But she wasn't. She had slumped over and wasn't ok. I immediately got Danny who rushed to her. She was not breathing. Danny had them call 911 and with the help of the manager, laid her on the floor and began performing CPR.
There are many sides to all of us. I have the front side and the back side, the sweet and the snarky. That's pretty much it. I can live with that. I'm no hero.
I have seen a few of Danny's sides. I have never seen the Marine or Ranger in action, for that I am thankful. I have never seen full on police officer either. I have seen enough of that though to get the idea. But today I saw the lifesaving training kick into gear. It was very emotional. She wasn't breathing. Her heartbeat was very weak. Her husband sat on the bench just watching two complete strangers do chest compressions on his wife. I could not have been more proud of Danny. It was very overwhelming.
One family waiting for a table had to leave. Jacob said that the girl in the group was very upset. Another dad said to his son that "we picked the wrong place to eat." Another woman, while chest compressions were in progress, asked where she should pay. Jacob held the door for the first responders, I stood waiting for instructions and then sat with her husband. Danny saved her life.
Ames police and paramedics said that she had a strong heartbeat when they had her in the ambulance.
Jacob, after it had all calmed down and we were seated, looked at me and said "people need to know that this is what they do. When someone says 'fuck the police', they need to know that this is what they do. Dad didn't have to do anything, he is a dad taking his kid to school. But he did, he saved her life because that is what they do." Jacob makes a very valid point.
So that was our very interesting day. We are exhausted. Watching someone save a life is very tiring. I am impressed with the response time and professionalism of the Ames police department and paramedics. I am appreciative that Village Inn paid for our meal. I am beyond grateful that Danny is well trained and is willing to rush in when I people watch.
In other news, Emmitt is glad that Ashlyn in home. Ashlyn had a quick little get away with the Kiwi Snows and Crissy and Duncan. They went to Chicago and Ashlyn got to Mata Trader and came home with two new frocks and two new tops. Fair Trade!!!
Hayley is ready for her final year to start. She is trying to have a bit of a plan for the future but it is hard. She knows that there is always a place here for her to rest and regroup.
On another note, I found myself bitching about my job again. I hate that I do that.
We have some home improvement projects that we will be starting soon. Carpet coming up and flooring going down. We have Ashlyn here so the nest isn't empty, but with her two jobs, it is not full. And with Jacob away and Harlow gone, it is far too quiet.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Another One of Those Religion Blogs
Conversation the other day between me and a twenty year old Bosnian Muslim was fascinating. He had a lot of questions for me and I, a lot for him. It was pretty sad that we couldn't answer most of them. In the course of our conversation though, he said some very interesting things. I don't know if they are facts, when it comes to religion, I don't know if there are many facts. He told me that there are not versions of the Koran. Translations, but not versions. I told him that I can look up a bible verse online and get ten different interpretations of it. Some varying greatly from others. He said that it was not as easy for him to manipulate the words in his favor as it seems others can do. TRUE! How else can people take a religion of love and turn it into hate?
And why does believing get more frustrating for me? Where has that peace gone?
I remember a nun telling me that if one was not baptized, they would not go to heaven. That is pretty heavy stuff for a child of no more than third grade to hear. More so when the child has non catholic friends and had a non catholic grandmother die many years before. I know now that isn't true but for a kid of eight or nine, that is heavy. And I wonder if this was the beginning of my struggle?
It is hard to look out in the world and see the positive of religion. Mighty fine building built in the name of God, I'll give you that, but I don't know what else. War. Genocide. Loss of culture. Hate. Yeah, a lot of hate.
I think a lot of my current frustrations come from the liberal use of Christian and then attaching it to something of hate. People that have Christian values but zero tolerance for illegal immigrants. I haven't much tolerance for illegal immigrants but I also don't have much in the way of Christian values. And maybe I am putting Christian values into a political light because I know there are those that live and breathe the Christian values and just love.
Most of all, why does this bother me so much? Am I just looking at all the stuff other people do that I deem unchristian or ungodly so I don't have to look at myself? Am I pissed off that another round of war and hate is going strong in the Mideast and it is in the name of religion? And our Christian nation says let them work it out, keep Ebola patients in Africa, not my problem...but when someone wants their birth control paid for, Christian Values banners are flown from the highest hill.
Can we be good Christians when we sell crap from China knowing that those people don't make a living wage and cannot worship freely, when we bulldoze forests for a Chick Fil A and Wal Mart, when we belittle the cashier, the clerk, the guy taking our order?
I think heaven is open to everyone who wants to find peace there. I think Barron and Harlow will be there, waiting because they are the closest thing to God's presence that I have known in my adult life. I think God is tired of my whiny baby act and would appreciate it if I would find my purpose and get on with it. It is obvious that He isn't going to show me is plan for me, if in fact He has one. I don't believe that there is a special plan for all of us. If there was, why would little girls die of horrible diseases and why would mothers have to bury their boys because they couldn't keep them safe. That all seems too cruel to be part of a plan.
And my dear friends Kari and Jeff, I still am muddling through The Story. It has not made things easier, in fact, when reading of all the war and killing and hamstringing, it has made it worse. I come away thinking there was plenty of opportunity to have the promised land and maybe it was just wasn't part of the plan to keep it. But I am forever grateful that you are concerned for my heart and soul.
I am still trying to figure it all out and am at times equally envious and angry at my mom's faith. It would have been nice if she and I could have shared it more. I want to just believe and stop with all the wondering. I want- much like a selfish child. Am I going to be smited? Am I going to develop boils? Am I going to continue to be misreable in this aspect of my life until I can find some peace? No, no, yes.
It is with our free will that we will continue to muck things up. God doesn't want us to be misreable, but the forces of the world are in motion and until we can improve those forces, misery is some of our lot. Will me not buying crap from Target change the lives of someone in the asian garment industry? Probably not, but choosing to buy from a fair trade company will begin to change the lives of someone in the asian garment industry. I guess maybe being Christian isn't what I am after, but being human is.
Anyway, another religion ramble. I write enough of these and people will unfriend me.
He also couldn't understand how people couldn't believe in God. We got into a minor discussion of evolution and it impressed me that even though he didn't quite buy what I was selling, he listened without telling me I was wrong or stupid or a sinner. Maybe people don't believe in God so that they can never be disappointed by Him.
Do I not believe so that I won't be disappointed? Do I hope that God really doesn't have a plan for me, that He is a distant observer - hopeful that we will get our heads out of our asses and straighten the world out - but isn't going to start fixing things. Do I believe that we were given free will and that God didn't "harden Pharaoh's heart" (pg 50 The Story). Because if Paraoh was this way because God made him that way than he really isn't the bad guy but just a pawn. That would be pretty dirty. Am I really prepared to believe that a centuries old story gives justification to war? And why does believing get more frustrating for me? Where has that peace gone?
I remember a nun telling me that if one was not baptized, they would not go to heaven. That is pretty heavy stuff for a child of no more than third grade to hear. More so when the child has non catholic friends and had a non catholic grandmother die many years before. I know now that isn't true but for a kid of eight or nine, that is heavy. And I wonder if this was the beginning of my struggle?
It is hard to look out in the world and see the positive of religion. Mighty fine building built in the name of God, I'll give you that, but I don't know what else. War. Genocide. Loss of culture. Hate. Yeah, a lot of hate.
I think a lot of my current frustrations come from the liberal use of Christian and then attaching it to something of hate. People that have Christian values but zero tolerance for illegal immigrants. I haven't much tolerance for illegal immigrants but I also don't have much in the way of Christian values. And maybe I am putting Christian values into a political light because I know there are those that live and breathe the Christian values and just love.
Most of all, why does this bother me so much? Am I just looking at all the stuff other people do that I deem unchristian or ungodly so I don't have to look at myself? Am I pissed off that another round of war and hate is going strong in the Mideast and it is in the name of religion? And our Christian nation says let them work it out, keep Ebola patients in Africa, not my problem...but when someone wants their birth control paid for, Christian Values banners are flown from the highest hill.
Can we be good Christians when we sell crap from China knowing that those people don't make a living wage and cannot worship freely, when we bulldoze forests for a Chick Fil A and Wal Mart, when we belittle the cashier, the clerk, the guy taking our order?
I think heaven is open to everyone who wants to find peace there. I think Barron and Harlow will be there, waiting because they are the closest thing to God's presence that I have known in my adult life. I think God is tired of my whiny baby act and would appreciate it if I would find my purpose and get on with it. It is obvious that He isn't going to show me is plan for me, if in fact He has one. I don't believe that there is a special plan for all of us. If there was, why would little girls die of horrible diseases and why would mothers have to bury their boys because they couldn't keep them safe. That all seems too cruel to be part of a plan.
And my dear friends Kari and Jeff, I still am muddling through The Story. It has not made things easier, in fact, when reading of all the war and killing and hamstringing, it has made it worse. I come away thinking there was plenty of opportunity to have the promised land and maybe it was just wasn't part of the plan to keep it. But I am forever grateful that you are concerned for my heart and soul.
I am still trying to figure it all out and am at times equally envious and angry at my mom's faith. It would have been nice if she and I could have shared it more. I want to just believe and stop with all the wondering. I want- much like a selfish child. Am I going to be smited? Am I going to develop boils? Am I going to continue to be misreable in this aspect of my life until I can find some peace? No, no, yes.
It is with our free will that we will continue to muck things up. God doesn't want us to be misreable, but the forces of the world are in motion and until we can improve those forces, misery is some of our lot. Will me not buying crap from Target change the lives of someone in the asian garment industry? Probably not, but choosing to buy from a fair trade company will begin to change the lives of someone in the asian garment industry. I guess maybe being Christian isn't what I am after, but being human is.
Anyway, another religion ramble. I write enough of these and people will unfriend me.
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