Another One of Those Religion Blogs

Conversation the other day between me and a twenty year old Bosnian Muslim was fascinating.   He had a lot of questions for me and I, a lot for him.  It was pretty sad that we couldn't answer most of them.  In the course of our conversation though, he said some very interesting things.  I don't know if they are facts, when it comes to religion, I don't know if there are many facts. He told me that there are not versions of the Koran.  Translations, but not versions.  I told him that I can look up a bible verse online and get ten different interpretations of it.  Some varying greatly from others. He said that it was not as easy for him to manipulate the words in his favor as it seems others can do.  TRUE!  How else can people take a religion of love and turn it into hate?

He also couldn't understand how people couldn't believe in God.  We got into a minor discussion of evolution and it impressed me that even though he didn't quite buy what I was selling, he listened without telling me I was wrong or stupid or a sinner.  Maybe people don't believe in God so that they can never be disappointed by Him. 

Do I not believe so that I won't be disappointed?  Do I hope that God really doesn't have a plan for me, that He is a distant observer - hopeful that we will get our heads out of our asses and straighten the world out - but isn't going to start fixing things.  Do I believe that we were given free will and that God didn't "harden Pharaoh's heart" (pg 50 The Story).  Because if Paraoh was this way because God made him that way than he really isn't the bad guy but just a pawn.  That would be pretty dirty.  Am I really prepared to believe that a centuries old story gives justification to war? 
And why does believing get more frustrating for me?  Where has that peace gone? 
I remember a nun telling me that if one was not baptized, they would not go to heaven.  That is pretty heavy stuff for a child of no more than third grade to hear.  More so when the child has non catholic friends and had a non catholic grandmother die many years before.  I know now that isn't true but for a kid of eight or nine, that is heavy.  And I wonder if this was the beginning of my struggle?
It is hard to look out in the world and see the positive of religion.  Mighty fine building built in the name of God, I'll give you that, but I don't know what else.  War.  Genocide.  Loss of culture.  Hate.  Yeah, a lot of hate. 
I think a lot of my current frustrations come from the liberal use of Christian and then attaching it to something of hate.  People that have Christian values but zero tolerance for illegal immigrants.  I haven't much tolerance for illegal immigrants but I also don't have much in the way of Christian values.  And maybe I am putting Christian values into a political light because I know there are those that live and breathe the Christian values and just love. 
Most of all, why does this bother me so much?   Am I just looking at all the stuff other people do that I deem unchristian or ungodly so I don't have to look at myself?   Am I pissed off that another round of war and hate is going strong in the Mideast and it is in the name of religion?  And our Christian nation says let them work it out, keep Ebola patients in Africa, not my problem...but when someone wants their birth control paid for, Christian Values banners are flown from the highest hill. 
Can we be good Christians when we sell crap from China knowing that those people don't make a living wage and cannot worship freely, when we bulldoze forests for a Chick Fil A and Wal Mart, when we belittle the cashier, the clerk, the guy taking our order? 
I think heaven is open to everyone who wants to find peace there.  I think Barron and Harlow will be there, waiting because they are the closest thing to God's presence that I have known in my adult life.  I think God is tired of my whiny baby act and would appreciate it if I would find my purpose and get on with it.  It is obvious that He isn't going to show me is plan for me, if in fact He has one.  I don't believe that there is a special plan for all of us.  If there was, why would little girls die of horrible diseases and why would mothers have to bury their boys because they couldn't keep them safe.  That all seems too cruel to be part of a plan. 
And my dear friends Kari and Jeff, I still am muddling through The Story.  It has not made things easier, in fact, when reading of all the war and killing and hamstringing, it has made it worse.  I come away thinking there was plenty of opportunity to have the promised land and maybe it was just wasn't part of the plan to keep it.  But I am forever grateful that you are concerned for my heart and soul. 
I am still trying to figure it all out and am at times equally envious and angry at my mom's faith.  It would have been nice if she and I could have shared it more.  I want to just believe and stop with all the wondering.  I want- much like a selfish child.  Am I going to be smited?  Am I going to develop boils?  Am I going to continue to be misreable in this aspect of my life until I can find some peace?  No, no, yes. 
It is with our free will that we will continue to muck things up.  God doesn't want us to be misreable, but the forces of the world are in motion and until we can improve those forces, misery is some of our lot.  Will me not buying crap from Target change the lives of someone in the asian garment industry?  Probably not, but choosing to buy from a fair trade company will begin to change the lives of someone in the asian garment industry.  I guess maybe being Christian isn't what I am after, but being human is.   
Anyway, another religion ramble.  I write enough of these and people will unfriend me.