Resolve

Hey resolution time!  Yeah, you with the huge expectations.  I'm talking to you.  And I am telling, not this time.  I resolve nothing.  I have done enough resolving in previous years so I see no need to create more burdens on my heart and head.  I'm just going to keep keeping on.  And if my history teaches me anything, there will be days where I will proclaim that I am done.  Done with being fat or sad or pissed off and I will be done for days or weeks or even a couple months and then something happens and I'll be back to being fat or sad or pissed off.  And that's alright, it is me and I am not interested in changing me too very much.
This past year was very unsettled in our hearts and it was difficult. 
Danny, after so many years of using his body to save the world in many different aspects, injured his back.  Months of trying to find a treatment that would work has led us to surgery and the hopes that the pain will be minimized.  THe chiropractor took a lot of time with Danny explaining what happened and in that conversation said that sometime in the past 35 years, Danny injured his back and over the years, it finally gave.  Sometime... parcoring (before it was a word) across downtown Cedar Rapids, humping across the deserts of Saudi Arabia, jumpin out of airplanes, backpacking across Iraq with half his body weight strapped to his body, wearing a vest and belt for ten years getting in and out of a crown vic, chasing down the bad guy, doing the Danny drop.  Yeah, sometime in all that, an injury occurred.
As a mom, it was tough to watch the kinder muddle through all that 2018 did and didn't have to offer.  I am very proud of them in undescribable ways as they make the make forward.  Adults, sure, but there have been some very sweet moments, especially in these past few months, that have showed me the kids they once were.  And I couldn't been more proud of them as they measure their successes not in dollars but in satisfactions and joys.  What they are now is not so much from what Danny and I did as parents but from what they have learned as adults, adulting. 
Me, I made all kinds of resolutions in 2018 and yeah, I worked out, but not always.  I made a real go of this little business of mine and I am finding my way and it is wonderful.  Loomies Rugs LLC is the most wonderful little business and the support I have received my from family and friends makes my heart so happy.  I did not make the transition to pharmacy at work and that's fine.  I am particularly good at putting stuff on a shelf so I keep at that. 
I tried to let go of IT.  It, that all encompassing word, not the clown in the sewer.  It has been a little group of emotions that are primarily grief and pissed.   A huge thank you to my friends that have allowed me to hash and rehash IT, I may be over IT!  Wouldn't that be exciting.  I've read about being a toxic person and maybe that is a resolution, to stop being an asshole.  I have struggled with letting go with the crimes committed against me, real and perceived.  I've done a really good job of playing the victim.  I understand why people want a sharp knife for a clean cut.  A dull knife leaves a lot of jagged edges that just don't heal properly and that applies to people as well.  If you intend to go about inflicting injury on people, at least be sharp not dull.  Oh wait, that is me being an asshole again, good thing it isn't the new year yet. 
I wish you all a very bright and beautiful new year.  May your IT be over and may your happiness be overflowing.  Cheers 2019!!!