Happy Halloween!

A clown and a Jack O Lantern.  That was the first two costumes for each of the kids.  I made them both.  The Jack O Lantern costume won Ashlyn best costume award at Vista Hacienda's Halloween Party.  There have been cheerleaders, football players, Spiderman, Spiderman, laboratory assistants and werewolves,  There was even a polar bear once, that was Barron. 
We have always taken costumes very seriously at our house.  There have been a few store bought, but most of the time they come from Goodwill, the sewing box and the garage.  One year Hayley made a Edward Scissorhands costume that was incredible.  She even sewed scissors onto gloves.  That year she sat on a friend's porch with the bowl of candy in her lap and terrified a lot of little kids.  The following year she was Ace Ventura.  That costume was scary only because Hayley could pull off the look so well.
Last year, Ashlyn was a crime scene.  She is in college so the costume took a little more edge and height.  She wore three in blood splattered heels.  I am guessing she wasn't trick or treating in those babies!  Neither of the girls dressed up this year.  It was an off year, and that's ok.  Sometimes it is just too much work to try and outdo the year before.
Jacob, however, did not let me down.  He went as The Riddler.  A trip to Goodwill was all it took to find some green clothes.  We dug into the fabric box and a few days later, he was 'riddling us' all damn day.  I was pretty proud of this costume.  I had never changed a skirt into pants before.  Jacob didn't seem to think it was any big deal and he was right.  He looked pretty cool this Halloween.  And yes, he did trick or treat, only to his friends' homes.  I have had big kids come to my door and as long as they were in good costumes, I didn't mind.  There isn't a whole lot for the teens to do on Halloween, too old to trick or treat, too young to bar hop.  I say, let them get candy!
We did break down and bought a costume in October of 1994.  We had just moved to Germany and our household items would not arrive until November.  I had no sewing machine so we took the drive to Frankfurt, did a little siteseeing and stumbled upon a Disney Store.  Ashlyn got a Snow White dress.  Hayley wore it the following year.  And I don't mean for Halloween, she wore it the entire next year! 
There is not the tradition of trick or treating in Germany unless you live near American housing.  Some of the German and Russian kids wore costumes and some of them didn't.  Most did not know to say "Trick or treat". 
When we moved to West Des Moines, we learned of the joke tradition.  I for one would like to abolish this tradition.  I don't think there are too many kids that want to waste valuable candy getting time with joke telling and I don't know if there are too many candy giving people that want to hear 60 jokes a night.  I am there to give out candy and admire the cute little kids!
My sister is also amazing at costumes.  She does great make up.  We probably could have teamed up and started a little business.  I do the costume and she makes them look bloodied and bruised! 
I have some great ideas still brewing in my brain, I am just not sure how to pull them off.  Danny and I have always wanted to go as the King and I.  I think I know how to make a hoop skirt. 

Piles

Here it is, another Saturday and I am digging myself out from under piles.  Sometimes it is piles of laundry, other times it is piles of scrapbook stuff.  And always, it is piles of papers.  I don't understand how I let it get this way every single freakin week!  My mother was a piler and I swore that I would not be the same, but look at me now.  (Though I do not save nearly the amount of paperwork that she saved.)
Right now, on my kitchen counter is some bills.  They are the girls' Sallie Mae statements.  We get two at a time, twice a month.  Hayley's statement and Ashlyn's statement and Danny's statements for each of their statements.  I will switch them to electronic statements and auto payment.  That will take care of four articles a month.  There is also a clinic bill from Ashlyn's most recent visit.  It is for $325.00.  Insurance won't cover it because she should have had these things done at her regular doctor.  Her regular doctor is the clinic.  We went through this the last time she had these things done at the clinic.  This has to stay on the counter so I remember to call the insurance company on Monday.
Oh and there is a couple of magazines.  I love magazines and I read them pretty soon after they come in the door.  But this is a' how to' magazine so Danny needs to thumb through it to see if he needs to know how to do any of the stuff in it.  I have already thumbed through it and because it is the garage issue, I am leaving it to Danny. 
There is the Disney Movie Club catalog and order form.  I left that on the counter so I would remember to decline Cars 2.  I did not remember to decline Cars 2 and it will be arriving soon!  I will then get a statement from the Disney Movie Club that I can add to the pile.
There is always a few papers in my pile that belong to Danny.  I never know what to do with them so I put them at his place at the table.  He sometimes doesn't get to them in time and when I set the table for dinner, I take the papers and put them back in the pile.
Then there is the pile of papers on the dining room table.  Currently, these are papers that belong in the file box, but I am sorting them for the shredder.  Which leads me to another pile on top of the shredder.  I don't always get the papers in the shredder right away and I form a new pile on top of the shredder.
I would really like this to be the last Saturday that I spend going through piles.  I really think my life as more value than this.  But how do I do it?  And how do I get Danny on board, too?  This may be my greatest challenge yet!
First, I need to convince Danny that he can recycle any fliers that come in the mail.  We have no carpet, so we don't need carpet cleaning coupons.  We are not very political, so we don't need to read the election propaganda.  We need new windows, but aren't getting them before the window, siding, roofing, gutter coupon expires.  Second, I need to get online and request that all correspondence from the bank, the mortgage company, the insurance company and the student loan company is sent to me electronically.  Third, I need to somehow get Danny's name off of all the "dear Veteran..." mailers.  That would take care of 40% of our junk mail.  I really don't think that this company will give us $410,000 over the value of our home.  And I really don't think we need that much, even if Danny "proudly served our nation and deserves financial support worthy of the service that he gave to our proud and grateful nation." 
The mail truck just pulled up, lets see if I can tackle this pile before it ever hits the counter!  

All Alone in the Dark

There was a time, when Danny was in Iraq, the van was in Kansas City and the new puppy was in the hospital that I really didn't know what to do.  The kids were in Cedar Rapids with Crissy and I was as alone as I had ever been. 
I had had it.  Really and truly had it.  I remember very clearly having it out with God and He just sat there and took it.  What the hell did I do to deserve such a shitty week?  He didn't answer.  He just let me rant and rave and swear and hate and break the phone and cry and cry and cry.  I accused Him of awful things.  He didn't make up excuses or try and talk His way out of it.  God just listened. 
Normally one feels better after all of the above, but I didn't.  I spent that week waiting for the other shoe to drop.  The van was gone.  There was no getting around that fact.  And there was nothing I could do about it.  I hoped it was in a ditch somewhere, looted and burned.  (Unfortunately, it was not, it was in Kansas City and only looted.)
The new puppy, LRS Louise, was dying.  We had had her only a few weeks.  She was my "Danny's gone to war" puppy.  She was meant to keep all our spirits high.  That was not what happened at all.  She died an awful death that could never be clearly explained. 
And then, there was the torment of Danny being gone.  He was so frustrated that he couldn't help me and I was so angry that I was left to do this all on my own.  I didn't consider for a moment that he was hurting, probably more than I was. 
I truly waited for the next horrible thing to happen.  They happen in threes, don't they?  So it just seemed like there should be one more unbearable moment in this week.  And there was, see paragraph two.  I chose to be all alone.  I didn't want to let any of my family or friends in to my battered heart.  People were reaching out to me and I was pushing away.  I just wanted to wallow in my misery.  I wanted a parade of people begging to help just so I could refuse them.  And I wanted nothing to do with God. 
But here is the thing about God (or whatever you want to call it)He just doesn't go away.  In those darkest days, and only now can I admit how dark they were, He stayed beside me.  When the vet called to tell me that LRS died in the night, He sat on the step next to me, ready to comfort me.  When I threw the phone and cursed His name, he ducked out of the way and He understood.  When the police called to tell me that the van was found intact but pretty trashed, He gave me his shoulder to lean on.  I pushed it away. 
Alone and bleeding.  I remember that day.  A fresh mound of dirt was in the back yard.  I didn't go to work.  I had broken one phone earlier in the week.  I wasn't answering the other one.  My arm throbbed and my eyes were red and puffy.  I knew that Danny was in Iraq at his wits end.  He knew I was in bad shape, but I wouldn't let him reach me. There had never been a moment in my life as horrid as the moment I was in.
And it wasn't because the van was stolen or the puppy had died or that Danny was gone.  It was that I had somehow allowed my heart to become so angry that I was going to chose to hurt myself and hurt those that loved me the most. 
And then I started to see the light.  And by light, I mean the light yellow coat of a dog that never, ever left my side.  He followed me from room to room.  He had sat on the step next to me when the vet called.  He sniffed the pieces of the phone as it layed on the floor.  He pressed his head into my chest after I cleaned my cuts.  He put his head in my lap.  His heavy head matched the heaviness of my heart.  He walked beside me as we went out to the fresh mound of dirt and he took all my tears into his coat as we sat in the grass by her grave.  And I knew that I hadn't been alone that week.  I wanted to be, I wanted to be cursed and alone.  But the Lord had Barron there to keep an eye on me.  And nothing was going to happen to me on Barron's watch. 
It took me a long time to heal the wounds of that week.  When the kids came home, and there was a lot of life back in the house, my heart didn't hurt as much.  They mourned our puppy, but knew to transfer their sorrow to joy in Barron.  He was eager to help everyone find joy again.  The van was stolen by illegal aliens from Mexico.  For several weeks, I would not wait on anyone fitting that description at work. I wanted to blame everyone instead of the two people that were guilty.  I came to terms with the fact that no one was going to get in trouble over the theft.  I forgave them because I really couldn't have that darkness in my heart.  I still have the scars on my arm.  Though they have almost faded completely.   Danny and I had to wait until he was home from Iraq to really talk about it.  It still comes up on occassion.  That week became my reference point for all other pain. 
I had often said that Barron was my guardian angel in a fur coat.  He often proved that to be true, but never like he did that week.  If I was home, then he was beside me.  The clip of his nails of the floor as we walked about.  His heavy sighs in the night as he laid on my floor.  His silent appearance when I needed him most. 
I was not foresaken, I was not left alone to suffer.  God was there with me.  In that yellow dog. 
After that week, my faith shifted ever so slightly.  My anger towards God started to subside and I let Him in again.  I told all my problems and worries to Barron, but I knew that God was evesdropping and I no longer minded.   Bad shit happens to everyone, and sometimes it happens all at once.  But it doesn't happen when we are all alone. 

Bloggers Block

 Tonight is one of those nights that I cannot find a train of thought.  It might be because I need to finish a Halloween costume or check my homework.  Maybe I am terribly distracted but the little brown cat that keeps pawing at my legs.  Or perhaps the very large dog that keeps whining in the family room is preventing me from stringing six words together to form a cohesive sentence.  Or maybe tonight I don't have much to say because I have so much to do.
There is the costume.  It is almost done, just finish up the pants that started as a skirt and glue on a few more question marks to the jacket.  Sew up the bottom of the home made tie and cover the mask with purple fabric.  Jacob is going to be the Riddler.  Last night he told me I was pretty as I cut out 11 velvet question marks. 
There is the homework.  I am taking Composition online.  I don't know what the hell I am doing.  The last term paper I wrote was 25 years ago.  I am in way over my head and there is no getting out of it.  Hayley will be home tomorrow and I am hoping she can help me, just a little bit!
To top it all off, I feel like a cold is coming on.  I have that achy neck feeling and I am chilly.  I am not very creative when I am whiny and I am whiny when I am sick. 
So tonight, I got nothing.  Except the dog in the family room and the kitty that wants treats.  And a costume to finish and homework to check. 

What's In A Name

Anne Elizabeth Helen Snow White
Anne after the mother of Mary.  Elizabeth after the cousin of Mary and the mother of John the Baptist.  Elizabeth is also my maternal grandmother's name.   Helen, my confirmation name.  It is also my paternal grandmother's name.  Snow is my maiden name.  I used that for twenty years.  I had always planned to hyphenate my maiden name with my married name and had expected to have a liberal enough husband that he would do the same.  White is my married name.  I have had that name for nearly twenty two years.  I am not hyphenated.  I did not have a liberal husband.  In fact, I had a very traditional husband that had very hurt feelings when I suggested that I would like to hyphenate my name.  I also had a husband in the Marine Corps who would, under no uncertain terms, be PFC Snow-White.  I see his point. 
The SNOW - WHITE wedding announcement from the newspaper was featured on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno in his Headlines segment and in National Lampoons Weird Headlines book.  In fact, that might be the only reason we got married, because our last names fit so well together.  Oh, and our first names are the same as the coon hounds in "Where the Red Fern Grows".  In the story, the young boy finds "Dan + Anne" carved in a tree.  The dogs end up being called Old Dan and Little Anne.   Great book!
If you knew me between the years of 1969-1990 then you probably called me Annie.  I was not fond of Annie.  I am only called Annie when I go back to Cedar Rapids.  Except for this one Catholic Irish guy, he calls me Annie and I find it adorable. 
If you knew me between the years of 1985-1988 then I probably introduced myself as An.  I found the second N and E to be useless and chose not to use them.  After my trip to Europe in 1987, I preferred to have my name pronounced with a long A.  That never caught on.  Luckily, when I returned to Europe in 1994, they were still pronouncing my name like that!
Between the years of 1990-2006, I was White's Wife.  That was how I was always introduced.  We would be at a military function where wives would be in attendance.  The husbands would introduce me to their wives as "White's Wife".  I would shake their hand, learn their first name and share with them my first name.  I have always loved being referred to as White's Wife.  That just might be my third favorite name.
The second favorite is Honey.  I have been Honey to My Honey for a very long time.  Danny calls me Honey more than he calls me, Anne.  He never calls me, Annie.
My most favorite name is Momma.  As the kids have grown, that name has changed and morphed into other names.  I have been Mom, Mother, MOTHER (that's when I am not paying attention), Mommy (when Hayley wants to irritate me) and the latest, Bomb-ba.  That is one of those words that started out as momma and just ended up like that.
 I had a few nicknames when I was little.  Careless Love, because I was always breaking things, I guess.  Annie Go Wash, because I did not wash my hands at my grandparents house after I went to the bathroom.  I don't remember how old I was when either of those names took hold.  I still get called Careless when I am around the old IC people (IC is our family church). 
So, what's in a name?  For me, a little and a lot.  No one in West Des Moines knows me as a Snow, but when I go back to Cedar Rapids, that is who I am.  Even though I don't use that name, it is a part of my identity.  I will never use my confirmation name, but I love having Helen attached to me.  Not because it is my confirmation name, but because it was the grandma I never knew.  I don't get bothered by the people that mistakenly call me Annie.  In fact, if it is an old guy, I kinda like it.  I think there was a time when I wanted something more exotic then Anne.  At least Snow was different.  Then I married a White.  Run my credit report, there are thousands of Anne White's in this country and one of them did not pay her Sears bill!
So I didn't get my exotic after all, unless you consider Bomb-ba. 

Avalanche of Love

"Is it cold in here?"  Jacob asks.
 Again, a little louder "Mom, is it cold in here?"
 One more time, closer to me and much, much louder "MOM!  Is it cold in here?"
It doesn't matter what my response is, because the love is in motion and I am about to be buried under an avalanche of love.
Are you not familiar with this weather phenomenon?  Oh, we get at least four avalanches a week, with two on Saturdays.  There is no way to prevent them.  No way to prepare for them.  You cannot stock up on non perishables and have extra batteries on hand.  There is no weather forecast that can predict them.  You just curl up in a ball and hope for the best.
Once you have been buried under the avalanche of love, you must rapidly dig yourself out before frost bite sets in.  And by frost bite, I mean that Jacob bites.  It is usually the tips of the ears that get frost bit first but all of you is vulnerable. 
Yes, an avalanche of love is just one of the many odd and somewhat frightening things that happen at my house.  The avalanche is the only weather related happening.  Most of the other happenings are animal based in nature.  Currently there is the Planet of the Apes attack.  That ends with my finger being bit.  We have also had ostrich and emu attacks.  I think if given enough time, we could come up with a mode of attack for every animal.  In fact, I think we would rise to that challenge.
Danny may come at you with Crazy Legs.  You may also receive a sternum rub if you are not reponding (not reponding will also result in having your eye ball flicked).  There are also a series of attacks that Hayley and Jacob devised that can only be blocked by placing your hand on your face or neck in the appropriate place.  If the block does not match the attack, then you are attacked more.  It is all very confusing and precise.
I think one of the most interesting forms of entertainment that we came up with (and I think this was Danny's idea) was turning the lights off on an innocent person (often me) and punching them (me) and kicking them (me) hooligan style.  Then someone would flip the lights on and everyone would be "cool".  Various members of this family would be attacked usually in the hallway.  It was fun and painful!
Mix in a few Nerf gun assults and Danny get pegged in the neck with an airsoft pellet and its an average day here.  I don't know how all of these things started, but I do know that Ashlyn was going to :punch you in the nose" at eighteen months.  Hayley would offer you a poisoned apple..."have a bite.  Heh heh heh!"  It only seems natural that I would now be buried under an avalanche of love. 

The Art of Being Sophie

I have known a lot of cats in my day, but no one has done it quite like our Miss Sophie Belle.  She has taken all that is right with being a cat and has made it her life's mission to perfect and promote kittiness.  In fact, as I write this she is curled up on the chair beside me.  She is not supposed to be on the chair beside me but is there, curled up with her little paws crossed.  She was in that warm spot that Danny vacated before he had both cheeks off the seat.  She is a master at napping.  She understands the movements of the earth and instinctively knows which window will have the best sun at any given time.  She also knows when someone has acquired a blanket for their lap and she is on it like white on rice!
In fact, we could probably change that expression from white on rice to Sophie on a blanket and it would be as effective.  Alright, it wouldn't be effective at all because you would have to continually stop to explain that Sophie gets on blankets.
Anyway, back to Sophie.
We got Sophie in 1999.  She is our oldest pet.  Sophie is little.  Petting her is like petting on of those wooden 3-D dinosaur puzzles with fur.  You can feel every bone.  She is the color of wild bunnies.  Brown and grey and tan.  She has magic eyes.  When she needs them to be big, they are the size of milk duds.  She uses these eyes when she wants treats.  When she needs to convey other messages like "that's my chair Elsa" or "Not in the mood for your gigantic head, Harlow!"  she uses the squinty Clint Eastwood eyes.  Those eyes are usually followed by a 'sike you out' paw raise and a low murr.   Not a growl, but not a friendly meow either.  Spohie is also a wonderful winker, she just kind of stares you down and then winks.  The best part of this little trick is that Danny cannot wink and Sophie seems to know that so she usually saves her winking for him!
Sophie lived with us in Cedar Rapids then made the move to West Des Moines.  She is a mostly indoor cat though she has spent a few nights out on the streets.  We used to let her have some patio time, but she took advantage of it, left the yard and greatly upset us all.  The past few years we have had a hawk in residence in the neighbor's tree so Sophie only gets to go outside under armed guard.  As in she is in the arms of the guard!
Sophie finds comfort everywhere.  If it is her desire to lay down, there is really nothing you can do to stop her from making your lap, your leg, your book, your sewing project, your keyboard, your freshly laundered towels, your dog's new rug, your friend's baby's car seat comfortable.  She is like one of those people on the plane that can sleep in any position. 
Sophie is my baby fix.  She is happy to be carried around like a baby.  She will lay on her back, nestled in the crook of my arm.  She will rest her paws and head on my shoulder as I cup her little butt.  She will spend the day that way if it suits her. 
Sophie sometimes gets The Flopps.  The Flopps is the scientific term for when a cat puffs up its tail, runs kind of sideways, has a crazy look in its eyes and meows forlornly.  The Flopps often happen late at night or when you just walk into a room.  Empty cardboard boxes often are associated with The Flopps.  The Flopps generally happen two to three times a week and are followed by a nap.  All cat activities are followed by a nap.
Sophie, when she wants to appear particularly pathetic, will lose her voice.  She will attempt to meow, but no sound will come out.  She will walk around the treat closet and desperately try to convey to you her need for treats but alas, no sound will be heard.  She then gets treats.  She eats her treats the fastest and then eats Elsa and Emmitt's treats, as well!
Sophie, all seven pounds of her, is on a mission to make everyone love kitties.  Sophie greets everyone with big eyes and a leg rub.  She has the special gift of knowing those that need to be converted.  She will gently reach a paw up as if to say "hello, I am so damn cute!  You are a fool if you don't love me now."  Are you allergic?  Then she is in your lap.  Are you here to repair something or sell something?  Then she wants to know all about it.  If you can't sell it to her, then I don't want it.  And as I look at her still laying on the chair she is not supposed to be on, I am reminded of how wonderful the simple things are.  A sun spot, a scratch behind the ears and a pile of treats.  That is all she is really after.  Isn't that what we're all after, warmth, love, nourishment.