So after I wrote about being a kitty for a day, Jacob wanted to know what I would do if I could be Jacob for one day.  First of all, I don't want to be Jacob ever.  There is never going to be some crazy fortune cookie mix up where we trade lives.  Though we both work at Walgreens so we could fake that part pretty well.  But I would never ever want to be Jacob for a day.  I don't really even want to know what Jacob does for a day but if I must, well...
If I were Jacob on a week day, then I would get up for school with time to spare.  But I would leave every light on that I could.  That includes the light in the dryer.  I would not eat breakfast even though someone lovingly bought granola bars for me.  I would spend a great deal of time deciding which 80s band tee I wanted to wear that day.  I would probably take an extra minute to marvel at the collection that I have amassed.  I think it is 28 different tees now.
Don't ask me how my school day would go.  Other than ducking around every overhead projector, I don't really know what I would do.  German class would be tricky.  But I think I could muddle my way through the rest of the classes.  I would say a lot of inappropriate things to my friends.  I would get written on, a lot.  I would hug people in the hall.
When I got home from school I would not do my homeowrk.  I have a million study halls and I get it all done there.  Seriously, that is my story. If I didn't have to work, I would give rides home to my friends.  They would give me gas money, but it would all be in change.  I might stop at the mall to hang out or go to Wal Mart to hang out.  I would stop at Kum and Go to buy Chuggs milkshake milk.
If I worked then I would grab any blue polo hanging up in the basement.  It might be a woman's but I really wouldn't care.  I would arrive to work just in the nick of time.  I would say a few funny things to the ladies I work with.  Never mind that they are all old enough to be my grandmothers, I am generous with a compliment!  I would spend most of my evening at the front cash register.  I am witty and the customers love me.  Except for the grouchy people, they don't like me because I can turn my wittiness into undercover sacrasm.  I consider it a gift.  I know just how to say something semi-nice to make them pissed off.  Oh, such a gift. 
After work, I will go through Hardees or McDonalds drive thru.  I know that I have money to burn and I must burn it.  Forget that my front windsheild is cracked and car insurance is coming soon.  I will worry about those things later. 
When I get home from work, I will settle in front of the tv for a bit and enjoy my fast food.  Depending on the time, I might try to kill a few zombies, but I will probably just watch the King of the Hill, Family Guy American Dad line up before I head to bed.  Before I actually go to bed, I will play on my guitar a little.  Then I will come up stairs to play on Dad's guitar.  I will make mom guess what song I am playing and she won't be able to guess.  I know that I am playing the song correctly and she just really sucks at this game (I do really suck at that game).  If Hayley is home, I will bug her for a few minutes, then she will kick me out of her room.  I will then bug Emmitt until he runs away.  Mom will yell at me for bugging Emmitt and then I will finally conceed and go to my room. 
There, that is how I would spend a day as Jacob.  I would avoid doing any of the following though:  I would not take pictures of everyday products with the words nuts, balls or tit in the name.  For example, I would not zoom in on the TIT of TITLEIST GOLF BALLS, or try to capture the NICE and NUTS on the package of NICE brand peanuts at Walgreens.  I would not fold a pack of JUMBO cotton BALLS to say JUMBO BALLS.  I would not scour the produce section for fruits and vegetables that looked like penises.  I owuld not photograph the pork loin that looked exactly like a twig and berries.  I would then not send that photo to all of my friends, including my father who would probably send it to his friends.  I would not spend a hour or two going through YOUTUBE videos looking for terrible singers or people being hit in the nuts.  I would not settle into a night of watching Tosh.O or some other make fun of the idiots out there show.  (Ok, I might do that).