An Act of Faith, Part Two

So the story I told talked about worth and trust. 
I did not have a lot of trust in the Lord.  I was one of those that thought it was some sort of tit for tat game with Him.  If I said my prayers then He would answer them.  You know what I am talking about.  Ask and I shall receive.  Well, like all things in life, it is not that simple.
Sometimes I think it took something huge to wake me up to the love of God.  Apparently a war and the death of my mom weren't huge enough for me to see the love.  Knowing what I know now, the love was there.  It was always there but that worth thing I talked about earlier, well the lack of worth tends to make someone see a lack of love.  That was me anyway.  I couldn't always see the love that was around me.  Or if I did see it, I thought it was only there because of Danny and the kids. 
Ok, back to the point of today's blog, trust.
Forgive me Ashlyn if I tell too much.  It's just that this part of your story is so powerful.  It brings me to tears whenever I think of it. 
Trust or Faith or what ever you would like to call it was taught to me at about this time, four years ago.  Ashlyn had been diagnosed with acute myloid leukemia.  She was seventeen.  I believe that traditionally, seventeen is one of those completely self absorbed years.  The life's not fair, why me phase.  It was for me.  Anyway, back to the real story.  Ashlyn had had enough of her weepy, mopey parents.  How were we to fight this if we were too weak to get through the first weekend?  We were the Whites.  We bucked up and soldiered through all kinds of crap.  Right?  Right.
Ashlyn, one of the wisest people I know, had learned a very valuable lesson while teaching religious education with a friend of hers, Anne.  Anne was very knowledgeable about the bible and was able to share a story with the children that they taught.  It was a story about how Jesus did not want us to worry.  He was there for us and would help us carry our burdens.  You can look it up, 1 Peter 5: cast all your worries upon him because he cares for you.  I looked it up, I know how to do that now!
So Ashlyn, freshly diagnosed with a very rotten disease tells me that "Jesus does not want us to worry so I gave this diagnosis to Him."  Simple as that.  Ashlyn trusted the plan.  She didn't understand it, maybe.  I certainly didn't.  But I thought if she was brave enough or smart enough to hand it over then who was I to hold on to this burden.  I said the words aloud.  As hokey as it sounds I told the Lord that this was His.  And even hokier, a weight was lifted from me, physically, I felt lighter. 
From that moment on, cancer did not seem so great.  There was something greater happening here.  I didn't really know what it was.  But the Lord showed His hand pretty quickly when the phone and doorbell started to ring.
We were flooded with love.  You know what I am talking about.  The good old fashioned casserole kind of love.  For almost a year, we were provided for in one way or another.  I could write forever on the kindness and love of our community.
So Ashlyn taught me my first very important lesson in trust.  It was Hayley who would teach me the second most important lesson.  I raised very smart children.
Hayley took the news of Ashlyn very hard.  She needed to come home from school even though Ashlyn stayed.  I think she felt pretty helpless.  I suppose there was that fear of death that everyone has when they hear cancer. 
Hayley and I were in the car.  She asked me about treatment for Ashlyn.  We hadn't met with the doctors yet so I didn't know the plan, but knew that a bone marrow transplant (had no idea what that was) was something doctors did along with chemo and radiation.  Mind you, I didn't know what any of this was, I watched a fair amount of doctor shows, this was all seat of my pants conversating.  So I say that a bone marrow transplant might be something we would do.  Hayley (who has no recollection of this conversation, but I will never forget) says "And that's where I come in."  We would find out later that Hayley was the perfect match.  She must have always known. 
Now, there is never a why me.  I don't understand the plan, but I trust it.  And if it turns out that there is no God and this is all a random lucky collection of happenings, I will still trust God.  Because Faith is believing without seeing.  Trust is knowing without seeing.