Yesterday, prior to leaving for work, Jacob announced that when he returned home, he would be an adult. That statement, though true on paper, will not be true in my eyes for a very long time. If ever. I am not ready to let go of this boy of mine.
Jacob Lee wa born on a sweltering July day. He didn't really give me too much trouble entering the world and had we been in an American medical facility, I think I would have looked upon the labor and delivery with a little less annoyance. The Germans wanted Jacob and I to stay a week. We thought otherwise and I signed a paper that I have no idea what it said and home we went. Home was a three bedroom apartment in military housing. The neighbors, Silvia, Daniel and Dustin came up to see him. Danny was on leave. This expanded family settled down to getting to know each other.
Jacob was a better baby than the girls. Being better than Ashlyn would be a label I could give to a monkey for as horrible as that girl was, but that is another story. Jacob was content. He liked to eat, he liked to sleep more and he liked to watch the big black dog most. There were a great many nights that getting Jacob to eat was a challenge because Liesl was in the room. She usually just needed to give him a good once over and then she would lay down and Jacob would eat. As he grew, Liesl and he were good friends. I wish he could remember that dog, the way she loved him to the point where the lines were blurred and she forgot her place. But that is another story, one I don't care to tell.
Jacob spent his little guy years in Bad Kissingen, Germany. He was a great traveler by car and train, backpack and stroller. He was happy to be along for the ride. At six weeks, he was sight seeing in Salzburg. Over the next three years, there would be more trips to Salzburg, Paris, Amsterdam, Prague and Bolzono. Very little of his Germany years have stayed with him. I hope that when he goes back (back to the Motherland) something will look familiar, something will make his heart twinge just a little.
Not much was required of Jacob. His sisters were always tending to his needs. Words did not come to him for a long time because he didn't need to speak. A hand gesture and a piece of cheese appeared. Jacob was a regular fixture at the girls' school while volunteered there. Everyone knew him and I could leave him with the 2nd grade teacher for half the day. Jacob would settle in with dinosuars and some cookies. He would take off his shoes and happily play while class went on around him.
Jacob moved to the United States, Iowa, Cedar Rapids when he was three. He moved to West Des Moines when he was five and has called West Des Moines home ever since.
I have written about Jacob before, about his antics and his infuriating ways. I have described him in various ways and have described myself as very fortunate to be his mom. And I am. Jacob is his own man. He is of his own mind and though he changes that mind from time to time, his core beliefs are true and straight. I envy that in him. There are those that don't get him, that don't get his quick wit and dry sense of humor. I get him. Most of the time.
Jacob tried his hand at wrestling, but wasn't driven enough to win if it meant that his opponent might cry. He played soccer a couple of summers, but that, too wasn't his thing. Being born in Europe does not make loving soccer or futball automatic. Jacob used to draw a lot. There is an entire world of creatures, good and evil, in a storage box under a bed. I used to draw when I was little. Mine creatures resembled Snoopy. We differed there.
Honestly, the years are a blur of Jacob growing up. I didn't see enough or do enough or slow things down enough to not feel like I missed out on so much. I think most parents feel that way. Most wish to turn back some of the time, or at least slow it down a smidge. If only to savor one more hug.
So here he is, eighteen. He is a man. He is a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man he is. (Thank you Anchorman for providing that accurate description of men everywhere.) There is one more year of high school and then, then he is off. He is.
But I am quite certain that there is a part of Jacob that will never be far from me. That part that loves a mom like only a son can. That part that makes sure I am ok. I think about the storms that I have had in my adult life, well at least in the last 18 years, and so often Jacob has been the calm. Never demanding more than I could give, he gave the hugs, the quiet movie nights, the "it'll be ok, Mom".
I don't think I have done a very good job of letting Jacob know how incredibly proud I am of him. How much I have enjoyed being his mom. I don't think I have made it clear to him that I believe he is capable of anything. And I do mean anything!
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