That's What You Said Last Time

Hayley, God bless her, tries to encourage me.  She knows that I have not been happy with the state of my being for quite some time and off and on, I try to do something about it.  So Hayley throws me a complimentary bone when she sees me.  Usually a "lookin skinny there, Momma!"  That was the compliment I got last time she was home.  But the truth was, and is, I am the heaviest I have ever been and told her so.    "That's what you said last time."  Exactly.  I just keep getting bigger.
Do I think I'm fat?  Absolutely not.  Do I think I have too much fat hanging on this once svelte frame?  Absolutely!  I weigh more now then I did when I had a baby in me.  When I was pregnant with Hayley, the nutritionist I was sent to wanted me to gain forty pounds.  Forty pounds!!!   I remember thinking, "there's is no way I can put forty pounds onto this frame."  Well, I was wrong.  It took me 18 years, but I added 47 pounds to this frame.  Considering that Jacob is sixteen, I cannot claim it as baby weight either.
When Danny was in Iraq, I got down to 118 pounds.  My eyes were sunk in, my collarbone popped out.  The 13 month stress diet is very hard on a girl.  When Ashlyn was sick, I started to gain weight.  A lot of fast
food and treats and absolutely no exercise for 9 months diet is very hard on a girl, as well.   Now, with no crisis to use as a crutch, it is just me making the right choices for me. 
I worked out today and I ate well.  I drank a lot of water and peed a lot of pee.  I resisted the urge to buy candy corn.  I bought raspberries and carrots instead.  
I hope to see Hayley next weekend.  And I hope she greets me with "lookin skinny there, Momma!"