Our Friend Bernie

This past Monday our family lost a dear and much loved friend.  Bernie Allard had been dating my dad for just over four years.  Her death was sudden and has left a gaping hole in our family.  Though I didn't know her nearly as well as my Cedar Rapids siblings did, I knew what she did.  She brought joy to my dad.  She brought wisdom to my sisters.  She brought a sense of grandma to my nieces and nephews. 
To me, she brought just a little bit of my mom to big, important family affairs.  For that little gift, I will always be grateful.  I don't know if they knew each other, my mom and Bernie.  (My dad and Bernie's deceased husband were classmates so they may have known each other a little).  Though I imagine that my mom has sought her out by now, up there in heaven.  I am sure that my mom has thanked her for her love and kindness that she gave us all.  Mom was big on thank you notes, but I don't think that is an option there.  Anyway, Bernie would sneak up to me at some point when I was particularly emotional and she would tell me "your mom would have loved this" or "your mom would be so proud".  And I would be so grateful for that.  For that simple gift.
Just two weeks ago my sister Crissy planned a surprise eightieth birthday party for Bernie.  All of my mom's sisters and brother were there.   That spoke volumes about how people felt about Bernie.  My mom's family loved her dearly because she was wonderful AND she was wonderful to my mom's family.  How lucky are we to see that kind of love?  Very lucky indeed. 
And at Bernie's wake, there were so many people there because of my dad.  There to share in his grief, in all of our grief.  My kids would ask me who I was talking to and I would explain that it was a guy that grew up across the street from our house.  Did he know Bernie they would ask.  Nope, I would tell them.  He knew us, and he knew we were hurting.  I think that made an impression on them.  Grief is shared, it makes the burden lighter. 
As I move forward from knowing Bernie Allard, I pray that I take with me her joy and humor.  Her love.  Her sense of style.  I pray that she continues to impact my life is gentle ways.  I pray that my dad finds comfort in her memory and that my siblings and family continue to rejoice in having had known her so well.  I pray that Bernie keeps an eye on us as we move through our lives. 
Thanks Bernie for your love and laughter.