Have you had this conversation yet parents? The completely irrational child that says "you love --- best!" "They are your favorite, I just know!" And your response is? My response is "yep" I don't always mean it, but if one of my kids is going to pull this crap, well, I only think it is best to agree with them and move on.
In all seriousness, I admire any parent that can make all of their children feel equally loved and admired at all times. I came from parents that could not do that and I am a parent that does not seem to do that. Oh, I knew I was loved. But there were times when I was not the most important. And that was right. With five children, there was bound to be times when one child needed a parent more, or pleased a parent more or (in my case) less and needed extra love or punishment. It wasn't a matter of being the favorite, though Sheila and Dick were Mom's favorites. It was a matter of putting a little more parenting where it was needed.
Hayley is quite sure that she is not my favorite. I tend to agree with her because how can I argue with her? If I deny it, then I look guilty. If I say nothing then she says I have no answer. So I agree and, because she is my favorite, make her happy.
Ashlyn knows she is my favorite. Whether she is or not, she just knows she is. In other words, I don't think Ashlyn gives it much thought. Maybe because she has known me longest, she knows that I do my best to love my three the best I can. She knows that each one of my kids is my favorite. I know it sounds like a cheap answer and it is, to an unfair question.
I have three very different children. I cannot love them the same. I love them the same amount - endless - but the love can be different for different reasons and at different times.
I remember having this overwhelming love and pride for Ashlyn at my mom's wake. She was fifteen at the time. Ashlyn and her cousin had stayed in the funeral home. They spoke to people and represented the grandchildren quite gracefully. Hayley and Jacob were outside a lot, being 13 and 10. I didn't love them less, just differently. More nervously as I knew they were out near the swans. I loved them for being outside and enjoying themselves, for finding happy instead of sad.
Hayley has come into her own so much this past year. She has found a career path that excites her and a young man that loves her. She is a young woman with dreams and goals. I cannot possibly love her the same as I love Ashlyn or Jacob because she is neither of them. I can glow her her glow and be so proud of her as she makes these new and wonderful choices.
Jacob is loved in yet another way. He is my son, so that is a different kind of love from daughters. He is also growing into a young man so that love grows and shifts as well. I love him as he discusses what his future holds. I love him for his unashamed profession of his love for me.
I don't have favorites. With kids like these, it would be impossible to choose. Honestly, truthfully, I love them all the same amount. Bunches and bunches.
So Hayley, just accept it, you are my favorite. Except that I love Jacob more. And Ashlyn, I love her a lot, too.
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