If you don't have something nice to say...

Then shut up.
I know that's not the way it goes, but that is exactly how my mom put it to me one night when I wouldn't stop bitching.  These words come back to me often when I
1.  want to bitch about someone
2.  want to talk about someone
3.  when I am in a setting where 1 and 2 are happening non stop.

It is easy to complain.  It is easy to rant on and on about the failings of another.  It is so easy to join in when someone else is doing the complaining and ranting. 

It is exceptionally hard for me to hold my tongue, to say only nice things, to defend the attacked.  But I am getting better at it.  I  have made it my mission to take my mom's words to heart and shut up.  Or, not shut up but shift my point of view from complainer to doer.  Or from bitcher to praiser.

I have also made it a point to not be a party to the bitch sessions if that is all they are going to be.  If there is a purpose to the bitch session and in the end, someone has come up with a solution or at least a step in the right direction, then I will offer my input.  When a bitch session becomes a whine and moan session, I am out. 

These are all major changes for me.  And they feel good.  It is empowering to be part of the solution. 

But before I go any further, let me tell you this-
If you want me to listen without interjection of advice, I will.  If you want my opinion, I will give it to you.  If you just need a friend, I am so there for you.  Because I know that there are days that suck and pity parties are good for the soul on occasion.  I know that letting it all out over a can of Coors or a slice of pie is a healing act. 

So please don't think that I am not of a sympathetic mind, I am.  But I am also fancying myself a can do kind of girl as well.  What I am not, any longer, is a whining, bitching, conniving, complaining pain in the ass.  I guess that means I don't have to shut up!