Back by Popular Demand

I haven't written in awhile.  I had a few projects to take care of and they got my attention, but they are all wrapped up and I am back to the blog.
This weekend I went on a spiritual retreat.  I really want to share with you what I learned, but I can't.  Danny asked if I became a Free Mason with all my secrecy, but no, nothing that cool and History Channel Show worthy.  A lot of what happened this weekend is beyond words and the rest is not my words to share.  I will share this though, I finally got one really important message into my heart and brain.  Forgiveness is a good thing.
I have blogged about this before as a hope for an apology.  Well, that is not the way to go about it.  I am not going to get the apologies that I was wanting and felt that I deserved.  I learned that there are two kinds of apologies, the one they mean and the one they don't.  I used to throw the second one around all the time.  I was always doing something wrong (not always but I am sure it seemed that way) and I would always say "sorry".  I didn't mean it because if I did then I would certainly have tried to stop doing whatever it was that I continued to do.
So I had to come to terms with these facts-
1.  I will not get an apology if the person that I feel wronged me doesn't think they wronged me. 
2.  I don't  need an apology to forgive.  That is all on me.  I can carry the grudge and let it dig into my soul more and more or I can forgive. 
3.  Forgiving doesn't mean I need to forget the kind of hurt that someone is capable of and I have the right and duty to protect myself.
4.  Addiction is a tricky thing that often (most often) gets in the way of a lot of wonderful moments. 
It felt really great to just let go of the grudge.  Even the word sounds heavy and awkward. 

Now here is something else I learned, again, it is not all about me.  As much as I enjoy starring in the Anne White Show (for which I have been nominated, but never won) there are a whole lot of other things happening out there.  I have lived a very charmed and love filled life.  I would do well to remember that all the time.
Now I am not saying that I won't throw a pity party now and again, but I think I will make those private and short.

The weekend was long, taxing and emotional.  It was enjoyable.  It is all a secret.

When I got home Danny and Harlow came out to greet me.  Danny said Harlow got excited when she saw my yellow car.  Now, you may say that Harlow doesn't know my car is yellow, but I have told her.  You may also say that Harlow gets excited when she sees her own reflection so getting excited at seeing me isn't a big deal, but it is.  You may also say that it was probably Danny that was watching out the window and Harlow just tagged along outside, and you would probably be right, but it still felt so wonderful to see Danny and Harlow right there as I got out of the car.
When I came into the house, it was clean.  It was 'Mom's out of town so we had a party' clean.  That was so nice.  And Danny listened to me rave about my secret weekend.  He hugged me a bunch of times.  Harlow sniffed all of me a bunch of times.  Then Jacob came home and he was excited to see me.  He was happy, genuinely so, that I had a great weekend.  I got to chat with my sister who was not seriously hurt in a car accident that totaled her car.  I got to talk with my dad who manages to get more ornery every single time I talk to him.  Hayley came home bright and beautiful, she is finally starting to feel better.  Ashlyn chatted with me on facebook.  Emmitt gave me whispers and secrets. 
I have said it before and I will say it again, blessed beyond words.