My Friend Jesus

I went to mass today looking for that sign.  I was hoping i would hear what I needed to hear to know if I was where I was supposed to be.  Surprise, I didn't hear it, at least not in the readings or in the homily or in any of the hymns.  Oh, they were all very nice and lovely and such, but none of them took my by the shoulders and shook the clarity into me. 
It was in that moment after communion when there is the time to reflect or watch all the other people return to their pews, looking for someone I know, that I found my clarity.  It wasn't OT earth shaking.  It was that warm fuzzy feeling that one gets when they hug a friend.  Because my friend Jesus did just that.  Quietly, clearly and ever so sweetly, His warmth came over me in love and friendship.
We are friends.  He loves me for all the good that I try to do and be and for all times I pick myself up.  He loves me in spite of my faults and failures, or maybe He loves me because of them, too.  I don't care really, I just know, I really know, that He loves me.  And not because the bible tells me so, but because I feel it, like the sun on my face. 
It became clear to me today that I may never figure out if I am technically a Catholic, but the doors opened freely for me and there was no one yelling "sinner get out" at me.  That would have been awkward.  Instead,  I was greeted with smiles and salutations of welcome.  Of course, they don't know that I am not a rule follower, but I have let that go.  Murky water off this ducky's back.  They saw in me a child of God, like they all are and I was welcome to join in the celebration.  Today I went to a different parish and it occurred to me that it may be good to visit other parishes and even other churches.   I remember going to a Methodist service and the message received that day stays with me still.  Clearly the Lord speaks through everyone.  Post communion reflection made me realize that Jesus is my friend if I am in this church each Sunday morning or if I am in the yard trying desperately to reduce my carbon footprint.  I am, in either place, celebrating Him and His unending gifts.  Now, I will say that watching the Monkees on a Sunday morning instead of doing one of the above is probably not the most righteous way to celebrate His glories.  Though I do think Jesus would enjoy the crazy antics of Davey Jones and pals. 
I feel really good.  I feel like I was trying way too hard at being something that I wasn't.  All I needed was to be open to His friendship.  We are buddies.  We can hang out formally or informally.  We can chat it up while I'm driving in my car, digging in the yard, or piously while I am on my knees.  I don't even have to talk, I can (and should) just listen most of the time. 
Now that I have made sense of the hard part, the next step for me is to be a better friend.  I know that the bible will give me trouble so I will take that slow.  But as a fan of history, it seems like I should enjoy the bible from the historical view and ease into the religious ramifications. 
And to all my friends that have indulged me and read these blogs, thank you.  I needed as many voices as I could have to find my way because I know that Jesus works through us for us.  You let me know that you cared abut me and my struggle and I really needed that as I was feeling less than zero for a day or two.  Will you see me in church next Sunday?  Well no, I will be in Chicago, but you just might see me the week after that.  regardless of where you see me, you will see me more at peace and happy in this renewed friendship.