Remembering John

Today marks the twentieth anniversary of the death of my brother-in-law, John.  I remember the day well, it was warm out, at least warm enough for Sheila and I to take the kids for a stroll around the apartment complex.  Sheila had wanted to give his siblings some time with him alone.   I remember John's family finding us and taking Sheila back home so that she was with him when he died.  I remember Sheila's grace and strength.  I remember explaining to Ashlyn that her beloved Uncle John was gone. 
We hardly had the opportunity to know John.  The girls and I had moved back to Cedar Rapids in April of the previous year.  Sheila and John were still living in Knoxville.  They would move to Cedar Rapids later that year.  Hayley and Isaac were just a month apart so it was great to have them so close.  I don't remember the timeline of John's sickness other than it was quick from diagnosis to death.  I learned a lot from Sheila in that time, lessons I would use later on.  I also learned a lot from Ashlyn about being thoughtful and kind.  Knowing Ashlyn at that time, she was not one to be overly concerned with being thoughtful or kind, but she was great with her Uncle John.  She sang many songs to him and they were buddies.  I was awfully proud of her in those weeks. 
John had cancer.  It took him quickly and without any regard to the life that John had built with Sheila.  Isaac was just a year old when John died.  He would have no memories of him.  I have to believe though, that John has made himself known to him over and over again through the years.  I cannot imagine how proud John must be of the man that is now his son.  And to Isaac's credit, he never used his father's death as a crutch. 
I remember having the conversation once with Sheila about how can she let people know that Isaac's dad had died without it seeming like she was trying to get sympathy.  It was important to her that people understood that Isaac was represented on the soccer field sidelines by those who could be there and that his dad was truly there in spirit.  That conversation has always stayed with me and I hope has kept me from judging the nontraditional family. 
Sheila raised Isaac well.  He is an incredible young man and makes us all very proud.  Sheila was blessed with having Crissy and Dad always present in Isaac's life as well.  Ten years ago, Sheila married Rick and he shares his pride in Isaac as well.
 John was pretty taken with Ashlyn.  They hung out a lot. After Danny had gone to Okinawa, John was a nice distraction for Ashlyn and he was great about taking her on when she needed it!  John was so easy going about being pooped on by Hayley at Dick and Cathy's wedding.  He just took it in stride.   John was a skilled father, able to feed his own son and two begging nieces all at the same time.  That may be my most favorite memory of John.   John was a marine, having served in Vietnam.  I have always been one to believe that those in heaven watch over us and when Danny was in Iraq, I counted on John to keep an eye on him.  John made Sheila very happy. He gave us Isaac. He loved us. We all loved him.