The Final Question

Do I believe I can create the life I want?
Well, I believe I have created the life I want for the most part.  I am happy.  I am content.  I am blessed.  What else is there? 
Oh I think I have come to the conclusion that the job I am at now is not floating my boat, but I am alright with that for the moment.  If I don't find a joy outside of work that is just for me, than I am an idiot and I deserve the misery I have allowed for myself.  But finding a joy is my trade off.  I understand the advantages to staying where I am and that is my head speaking.  There is time and paid leave, a decent salary and a short commute.  So I look at it as a way to fuel my new joy what ever that may be.  I am going to start with gardening and let it go from there.  That is my heart speaking. 
I know that there may be a leap of employment faith in my future.  If it is meant to be it will be.  But until then, there is a new employee that I can mentor and I can continue to be a positive person in the store. 
I know that there will be days when I will wish for my children to live next door, or at least down the street.  I know that the missing them will overwhelm me at times.  I know that it is my own fault (and Danny's as well) that they have the self reliance and moxie to go.  And I believe that they will go and be great and wonderful people.  And I will visit! 
Like most, I have suffered from the doubts that others have put on me and the doubts that I put on myself.  There was a time when I could only identify myself as White's wife or Ashlyn, Hayley and Jacob's mom.  Those are pretty great names, and so is the cake lady, or the nice lady in cosmetics or Anne.  I am moving forward listening with my heart, hearing the positive and being open to it all. 
When I look in the mirror, or even deeper, when I look in my heart of hearts, I am happy.  Between the good Lord and the man I married, I have got it all. 
This article that has been the springboard from which the last ten blogs has sprung from has made me think and search and be very honest.  I have confronted some touchy issues in my heart but couldn't share in the blogs.  I have healed some wounds and let go of a lot of wasted emotions.  I am not instantly changed, but I am not the same.  I will keep moving forward and being the person I am intended to be.  All is possible.