Number Nine

There was a time not so terribly long ago that I would have answered number nine differently.  But life experience and maturity have changed my answer for the better.  I do view my life as abundant.  I am no longer jealous or envious of the greener grass.  I have learned that sometimes it takes a lot of shit to have that green of grass and I am perfectly happy with my lawn and life.
Years ago a friend of ours was building a home and every time we visited, I would leave there with a green streak running through my soul.  I was jealous of the money they had, the nice things they had, the way their life seemed to go together.  This jealousy invaded our friendship and made me such an ugly friend.
I think my jealous tendencies ended when Ashlyn was sick.  I learned more lessons in the nine month period than all of the previous months of my life.  Prior to that, I would be jealous of other's things, opportunities and good fortune.  I knew that I had a pretty nice life, but I could easily drool over the clothes, TV's and cars of others.  And it is embarrassing that it took a life or death situation to make me come to terms with my own haves and have nots. 
I have frequently talked about the moment that I gave Ashlyn's battle to the Lord.  In that moment so many feelings washed over me.  I let go and let God and in that, I let go of more than I realized.  My eyes saw my blessings, not my wants.  I continue to feel blessed that I have been able to continue seeing with grateful eyes. 
That is not to say that  I still don't want for things, but it is without jealousy.  I find the joy in someone else's vacation plans when there was a time I would have made a snide remark.  I am happy for the new car or home purchase of anyone because I know how joyous I felt when I achieved those milestones.  And I know that not everything is at it seems.  Our incredible trip to Australia was because of the overwhelming kindness of strangers.  I celebrate someones adventure because I don't know what brought them to that point.  Our trip was a Make A Wish trip.
I have a roof over my head.  That roof needs to be replaced, which is not a fun way to spend money, but I have the money to do it.  I have car insurance due at the end of the month and am fortunate to have two cars to insure.   I have had to increase Harlow's medicine.  She will take three pills a week instead of two.  I don't have to make the decision if it is her pills or my own that I buy, I can afford both.
All that I have talked about has been things.  My life is abundant with things.  I am able to have many nice things.  I know that the things I have are just things.
There is not enough space on this hard drive for me to adequately describe how abundant my life is.  I cannot find the words that describe how I feel when I see my children, everyday.  I am the recipient of Danny's love and friendship always.  There has been a parade of animals that chose not to run from this home, but to stay and guard me and protect me.  I, at a moment's notice, have an unending list of people that I can call on for whatever I need.  I know this because I have seen this unending list in action.  This abundance was shown to me when Danny was deployed ten years ago, but my eyes were clouded and I couldn't see clearly.   One would never think to describe a child's illness in a positive way, but it was because of Ashlyn's illness that I was able to see all the good in my life. 
Everyday what I need is readily there.  Everyday what I want is readily there.  Call it what you like, favors, blessings, abundant gifts, I got em.  Amen.